Thursday, December 16, 2010

Bounce Bounce Whoosh


So, it is a snowy, cold evening and I am sitting in the living room all alone. I am thinking about a similar evening 17 years and 76 days ago....

It was September 30th, 1993 around 11:30pm. It was a cold and brisk....very brisk night. I was extremely pregnant, due any minute. I was laying in bed and Katie, who was 2 years old, and Don were playing beside me. He was rough housing with her. She was jumping up and he would catch her and throw her....they were having a fun time. I was laying on my side, facing them when suddenly Katie jumped up and came down right on my belly.....whoosh......my water broke. It was time.

We drove to the hospital...it was a clear night, brisk, with a hard frost. We pulled up to the hospital at around 1 am on October 1 and went inside. After some paperwork, they took me to my room, and when they checked me, they said I would be holding my little girl in less than an hour.

The doctor had to be awakened and called in...he wasn't very happy...one hour later....no baby girl....two hours later.....three.....four.....five.....the sun came up.....no baby girl. Finally around 10 am they said I could push....and push I did. Suddenly the doctor's face went grim...."Don't push!" he shouted. I panted my way through the next contractions....I was scared.....I had no idea what was going on.....finally he said, "Everything is okay, now push." It turns out that the umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby's neck...twice. But the doctor was able to get it off without any complications.

A few pushes later and I heard that familiar cry.....and there she was....my Becky. She was so beautiful, which didn't surprise me at all, because when I was deciding on her name....and thought of "Becky" all I could think was that every Becky that I have ever known has been beautiful....and so my Becky she would be.

The doctor had to hurry and leave...there was a West Virginia Mountaineer game and he had to get to it. Don had to get to work.....it was just Becky and I. We spent that whole day getting to know each other, just she and me. Those were quiet moments, special moments.....moments that I will cherish forever.....

And now tonight, I remember those moments because in only a few months she will be leaving for college. It's a clear, cold night.....and I still cherish her.

Friday, December 3, 2010

A snowy night alone

So, fourteen years ago tonight....I sat in my living room, with all my Christmas lights turned on...the tree...the creche....the M&M lights around the doorway....the village....all aglow. I sat there, all alone......me and my baby to be. I was very pregnant....due any day....it was to be a boy. I had been in bed for about an hour, when suddenly I awoke to a familiar pain. It was getting close to the time when I would see his face. I went out to the living room, my two beautiful girls were tucked safely in bed. I turned on all the Christmas lights, and I sat there.....reading.....praying....and waiting to see his face....to hold him.

The pain went from every 15 minutes to every 10.....then to every 9.....8.....7......it was time to wake others up. We drove to the hospital....the roads were empty. It was an easy drive. We arrived and began preparations for his arrival.

My David was born on December 3rd, 1996. It was a Tuesday. He weighed 10 lbs. He was beautiful....we named him, David Nathaniel Hogan....."beloved of God, gift of God."

That was fourteen years ago tonight.....tonight.....I sit in my living room.....alone, well a dog beside me.....David and Becky asleep.....Katie away at college........and I am praying again.......praying for my David.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Next stop Hoboken


So, what does an angel look like? Hebrews 13:2 says, "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares."

I know some angels strike fear into those that see them, but it seems like maybe some don't look much different than us.

I spent the weekend in New York City....a visitor....not knowing how to use the Subway. I relied on the kindness of strangers....my angels for the weekend. The first one was a very kind, young New York policeman. He took the time to not only answer my questions, but teach me how to buy a subway card, and how much to put on it to get us from Times Square to Hoboken and back. The next one was a Metro worker. He put us on the right train with a beautiful smile. The next one was a kind couple who told us that we were on the wrong train and put us back in the right direction. The next one was a homeless man who pointed me to the right station. The next one was a young single girl. She helped us get to the right track, get on the right train and then she even exited at our stop and helped us figure out where we were and where we needed to go.

Who knew that angels travel by the subway.

Friday, October 15, 2010

A mulligan

So, bad news....I just had another birthday. I turned 47.

Good news....I thought I turned 47 last year......so, it's like a do-over!

Friday, September 24, 2010

Clomp clomp boom


So, okay, I admit it....I have become that crazy dog woman. I have resigned myself to the thought that when I am 70 years old, I will live in a house with 30 dogs and they will eat from my dishes (I hope not, but it's looking this way). Why do I say this? Because I have another dang dog post.

Yesterday I saw a blind woman walking downtown with her seeing-eye dog. I have lived in this small town for 14 years now, and this is the first time that I have seen her here....which means she is new in town. So my mind begins to run, "How does she walk to new places?" She must really trust that dog. She has no memory to use to help her navigate, it is total trust. If a step is there, the dog must tell her, if there is a pot hole or a skateboard laying on the sidewalk, the dog must take her around it.

This seems to be a visual of the verse, "We walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Cor. 5:7.

Walk by faith, not by sight....so my eyes should not be trusted in this world? I should walk my spiritual journey by faith...trusting God to warn me when there is a step, or a hole, or a danger in front of me.

I began to wonder what would happened if this young woman ran out ahead of her dog? Oh, I know that sounds silly in this instance, but trust me, I know, I often find myself face down from a fall because I got out ahead of God.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

You can teach an old dog new tricks


So, I don't want to be one of those crazy dog people....but what the heck.

Last night I was up in my bedroom and my Becky let Graham in from doing his bidness (business southern style) outside. I heard him coming in and knew what he would do. As soon as he gets in, he begins searching the house for me. So I turned off all the lights and ran into my closet and hid from him.....I know....I'm mean.

I hear Graham run up the stairs, as fast as he can, and I hear him come into my bedroom. All the lights are off, so he thinks I must be downstairs. He runs down the steps as fast as he can and I hear him running all over looking for me....kitchen, living room, dining room.....then I hear him run back up the stairs as fast as he can. This time he checks each bedroom along the way and comes back into my room. He goes into my bathroom, he runs back out and jumps up on the bed....then he runs downstairs as fast as he can. He runs to the downstairs bathroom, he checks the laundry room....back up the steps he runs as fast as he can. He comes into the bedroom and stops....and listens....and I hear his little nose going....then.....sniff, sniff, sniff, SNORT....under the closet door. He has found me.

When I emerge from the closet, his little tail is going crazy....he is patty-caking (his way of saying, "Pet me")....and he is so excited to see me. He is not mad at me for hiding from him....he does not think I am mean....he is just pleased to have found me.

I was convicted in that moment...not for how I hid from my dog....but for how I treat God. I do not, for the most part, run to find Him. I am not relentless in my search for Him at the start of each day....I am not relentless in my search for Him at the end of my day....as a matter of fact....for the most part....I make Him find me.

Okay......maybe I am becoming a crazy dog person.....because God is teaching this old dog a new trick.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

A man's world

So, tonight I was walking past the bathroom and I hear, "Mom, do you want to see a foot-long terd?"

I laughed out load....these are words that I have never heard my daughters utter.....life with a 13 year old boy.

Monday, August 16, 2010

A treasure chest full


So, as a mom there are moments that are so very dear that they become little treasures that you store in a very safe place.

I have had several of those moments throughout the years with each of my children...Katie, Becky and David.

Just this past week, I have had a few of those moments with each of my children....one came just today....when my daughter Katie, told me one of the things that she loves about me.

She loves that I am "not quick to judge others" and that I do not "impose my ways on her, instead, when she asks for advice, I ask questions to walk her through processing her thoughts" (this is quoting her). She thinks that is a rare quality in mom's. I told her I wasn't sure about that...but I am sure about this, I have had moments when others have judged me, and I knew that there was so much more to the story, so I try to keep that in mind when things are happening....also, I have needed so much grace in my life, and therefore, I try to extend that same thing to others. Katie said, "Yeah mom, I appreciate that in you."

"...and Mary treasured these things in her heart."

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Diggy, Dig, Dig

So, the other day I am sitting in the living room with my son, David. He is on the computer and I am just sitting and relaxing.....but out of the corner of my eye, I see him scratching (similar to the scratching that happens in a baseball game)......so I say, "Hey, what are you digging for?"

He responds, without missing a beat, "Gold; and I just found two giant nuggets."

Oh, life with a 13 year old boy.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The look of love

So, what does love look like? Is love only visible when those three words, "I love you," are spoken? Is love only visible on February 14th when flowers, candy and a cheesy card are sent? Is love only visible when a love song is sung?

I used to think that because my dad had never spoken, "I love you," to me, that he didn't "love" me. As I have grown, I have realized that love is truly visible in many forms that do not match my childhood expectations. In other words, my dad's love has been visible all the time...I just didn't have eyes to see it.

This week.....I SAW my dad's love. On Monday morning I was going to drive from Warren, Ohio back home to Wilmore. Now, I have a hard time staying awake when I drive...so one of my coping mechanisms is to have something to snack on in the car. Last week, my mom had bought big, beautiful, delicious bing cherries from Walmart. My dad and I had enjoyed them immensely. So, on Monday morning, my dad woke up early, like 6 am, and drove to Walmart to buy me some cherries for my drive home. When I got out of bed at 8 am....there was my dad in the kitchen washing a big bag of cherries for me to have on my drive home.

It was the most beautiful expression of love that I have seen in a long time.

"People may not believe what you say, but they will always believe what you do."

I have finally opened my eyes to see love....in all forms....from washing cherries, to buying me new tires for my car, to meeting eyes across a crowded room....I see love.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Scary Jesus


So, have you ever driven up I-75 between Cincinnati and Dayton, Ohio? If so, you have seen the "Scary Jesus" statue....that's what we call it. It is also known as "Touchdown Jesus." It is a statue, around 6 stories tall, of Jesus coming up out of the ground, arms stretch up to the sky. It sits right behind a pond. It's scary....it almost caused me to wreck the first time I saw it...scared me half to death...and I couldn't stop rubber-necking at it. Let me show you a picture....it's much scarier in person....imagine 6 stories tall. It sits right in front of a church....the "Scary Jesus Church," as we call it.

Anyhow, this week.....it got struck by lighting and burnt to the ground. Now tell me this....who builds a half million dollar statue out of plastic foam and fiberglass??? Seriously. So, now all that remains is the steel frame.....and I thought it was disturbing before.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The big head


So, my two younger children are at teen camp....yes, you read that right....my Davey-baby is now a teen. I don't think I like this getting older stuff.

Anyhow, they are at camp together. Today, my mom called to tell me that my children, both of them, got an award today.....I was so proud. Two Hogan's at camp....and both of them got an award....that will show those holier-than-thou people what a GREAT mother I am. Yes....all of this was swirling about in my head....then my mom said, "Don't you want to know why they won." I proudly said, "Yes." She said, "Becky won for the cleanest room." My head begins to swell....I'm not certain that I will be able to get it out of the room. "Yes, and what about my David." My mom laughed and said, "David won for messiest room."

Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.......my head was quickly back to normal.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Sweet moments

So, I am sitting on the couch, legs curled up to the side of me....my dog comes up and curls up in my legs, right next to my rear end.

It's a sweet moment...dog and master.....then, the master lets one rip....and the dog gets up, snorts and walks down to the other end of the couch.

So much for the sweet moment.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

An eternal cornucopia


So, I was talking with a friend about the whole Myers Briggs Personality Type thing...I have had several friends talk in this MB code....."Your desk screams P"....."You are such and E"......"Your N really nailed that person"....."You F's kill me." I have never really understood much about it.

Well, I got a new explanation of it all and I was intrigued. So I spent some time reading about my type...I am an ESFP. The description said that an ESFP is a Performer. As I read the description, I laughed out loud....it was so me...it was like looking into a mirror.

Of all the things that I read....this line is my favorite....this sums me up....this WILL be on my tombstone:

Performers view life as an eternal cornucopia from which flows an endless supply of pleasures.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Oh Shi...I mean shoot


So, last night I was watching TV with my David...he was controlling the flipper (surprise). We were watching soccer. I decided to discuss the game with him, since he plays on a traveling team.

We begin discussing the strategies of the game...for scoring....for corner kicks....and then I began to discuss the throw-ins. I told David to watch how they move and do runs for the throw-in. But instead of showing the field, the camera man decides to zoom in for a close up on the thrower....I holler out an expletive at the camera man. My David begins to say that word over and over again. Then he says, "Mom, from now on anytime you swear, I am going to begin to use that word in my vocabulary."

Seriously?

So I begin to make a deal with him...."Okay,seriously, you made your point." He says, "No, I am serious mom. Anytime you use a word, it opens it up for me." I beg him to start over....from that point on and he agrees.

So, my vocabulary is changing...I'm cleaning up a bit. You know...this humbled me....my David just called me out on what mothering is all about...me teaching and mentoring my children. It was a wake up call to reality.

Monday, May 24, 2010

BR 549

So, tonight I am driving through the metropolis of downtown Wilmore. There is a portly, older farmer fellow slowly plodding along the sidewalk. He is wearing a pair of bib overalls with a hankie hanging from his front pocket. His head is hanging and he is shuffling his feet along...it's been a long day. Right behind him is his dog....a bassett hound....his ears are hanging and he is shuffling his feet along right behind his owner.

Now I have seen pictures that capture the essence of Wilmore....but this one just might take the cake.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Look mom, no hands


So, yesterday I took my Becky to take her driver's test. We had spent hours on the road preparing for this test. We had practiced and practiced and practice parallel parking....we had some weeping and gnashing of teeth....but Becky persevered with my excellent teaching ability and now it was time to test her skills (and my coaching).

We walked into a small cinder block building (dark, ominous music playing)....it looked like it was built in 1950 and was furnished that same year. There were 2 KY State Highway Patrol officers, one giving written tests and the other giving the driving test. Becky went up and gave them her paperwork and then she and one of the officers walked out to go to the car. I sat there and waited.

The door opened 10 minutes later and in walked the officer....my heart sank. That was too short of a time to be good news. I began to formulate my consoling remarks. Becky walked in, and she was aglow. She had passed.

I was so happy for her and yet so nervous....another child on the unforgiving Kentucky roads. This is one of those memorable moments...when the little bird flies out of the nest for the first time....and you can only sit and watch....and pray...

As she got into the Buick to drive to school all alone...I said the first of many of these types of prayers, "Lord, she is leaving my reach of protection and entering yours....please watch over her and keep her safe."

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

It's Disney World


So, yesterday I had to drive down past Knoxville, TN to visit a donor. As I was driving along, all by myself, I had a lot of time to think...I have driven down I-75 a million times....for work and for pleasure. It is the main road that leads to any state south of Kentucky, specifically Florida.

Anyhow, as I was driving down I-75 in Tennessee, I crested the hill and saw the fireworks store that has the ferris wheel, the world's longest firetruck, rockets and other tacky lawn decorations. I remembered many years ago...my David was only about 3 years old. We were heading down to Orlando to go to Disney World. The kids were so excited. I had started the drive after work in the evening. We had been driving for a couple of hours and we crested that hill and there was that fireworks superstore all aglow. The ferris wheel was lit, the world's longest firetruck was lit, the rockets, the fence and all the tacky ornaments were lit.....the place was glowing in the dark. My David's eyes got huge and he screams, "Look......it's Disney World." We all laughed because we knew it was just the cheap, tacky fireworks store and that it PALED in comparison to Disney World.

Anyhow, yesterday as I crested the hill and saw "Disney World" I wondered how many times as I have been on my spiritual journey, have I been content to stop short, and not complete the full journey to the destination.....how many times have I been content to stop at a cheap imitation of Disney World? How many times has God smiled and laughed as I screamed, "Look God, it's Disney World"....

Monday, May 10, 2010

My butt will catch the next flight here


So, the other day my friend and I were driving into work. We were in the midst of a big weekend at work....early mornings.....late nights.....long, long hours. I was at the end of my rope....all out of gas. Suddenly, flying across the road, right in front of our windshield, flew two Canadian geese. These two geese were fat ones.....and their butts were dragging.....they were having a very hard time getting their butts off the ground. As a matter of fact....our car barely cleared their dragging butts. My friend and I busted out laughing....these geese were the visuals of how we felt that day.....

Sunday, May 9, 2010

A dirty window


So, tonight I will give you a quick glimpse through the window to my soul....and it has to do with being a mother....and my Becky.

It is 12:30am....my Becky walked out the door tonight at 6:00pm....with a boy.....my Becky was in a little, sexy, sequence teal gown....cut down to there and up to here....they were on their way to prom. As I kissed my daughter good-bye and let her walk away with this young man...I felt extremely sad.

That was at 6:00pm....it's now 12:30am....I am no longer sad.....I have ventured into mad.

Let me ask this question, why is it, that when the last words that you told your daughter was, "Call me or text me and let me know what the plans are for the evening....no curfew, just keep me informed." Well, why is it that in 6 and a half hours there has been no correspondence? This was not a difficult or unreasonable request....was it?

Anyhow, right now....I am fighting the urge to stop incessantly hitting re-dial....and go get in my car.....with my oversized sleeping shirt, no bra....so boobs hanging down to my knees.....scooby-doo boxer shorts, and big old terry-cloth robe and drive out to prom and find my Becky....

There you have it...a glimpse in my window......it is about as pretty as the outfit that I have on.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Windows of the soul


So, I am reading "Windows of the Soul," by Ken Gire. It has opened my eyes to look at the meaning in moments and people. Yesterday, I looked through the window to my Becky's soul.

Becky got larvae and a butterfly home to watch the life cycle of a butterfly. She got about 7 larvae and we watched them climb to the top of the container and begin to harden into their chrysalis. We waited and watched....nothing. But one day we awoke to 2 butterflies in the butterfly habitat....then a few hours later and 3 more appeared.

Becky fed them and watched them...then she decided it was time to let them go. They only live 2 to 4 weeks, and she couldn't stand the thought of them having to spend their short lives in a net....she wanted them to fly free. So, she took them out and 4 of them flew high into the sky and flew away....but one remained.

Becky looked at the poor thing, and his wings did not form properly, he couldn't fly. So, she left him in the habitat net and took him back in the house. She continued to care for him.

Last night, when I came home from work, there was Becky. She had her little butterfly outside. She placed him in an iris in the middle of an iris patch. She stood over him, watching him and protecting him from any birds that might see him as dinner. She stood there for a long time, moving him from one flower to the next....allowing him to drink from a real flower, not just sugar water.

Yes, I saw into my daughter's soul.....and what a beautiful soul she has.....caring for one of God's smallest creatures....caring and nurturing and protecting him...what a beautiful glimpse of the woman is becoming.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Ruff Ruff


So, since God has created me and knows me very well....He knows that sometimes I need a simple visual....a little lesson to help me along this journey.

Today's lesson came from my dog, Graham....I told you God knows me.

I put Graham out on his chain to do his business. After a little while...I hear a small "ruff." I go to the door and Graham is standing out in the grass. His chain, which can usually allow him to come back to the door, is stuck on something out in the yard. Now Graham has no idea what he is stuck on...he just knows that as he was walking up to the door....his chain abruptly pulled him to a stop out in the grass. So, he "ruffs" for help.

I walk out and instead of releasing his chain, I actually move the object that his chain was stuck on and put it back where it belongs. I have not touched Graham's chain. I just moved what it was around. I walk back to the door and say, "Graham, come." He looks at me and cocks his head. He has not felt his chain be released and therefore, he is hesitant. I say again, "Graham, come on." This time Graham is looking me dead in the eye, and he leaps forward to come.

How many times have I been stuck in life....not knowing what I was even stuck on....just stuck. And how many times have I heard my Master say, "Trust me, come on." And how many times have I hesitated. Will I ever get to the place that when my Master says, "Come." I leap forward in total trust?

Sunday, April 25, 2010

A national opinion poll

So, tonight I am washing dishes and the home phone rings. (Now let me just take a side bar here....nobody calls my home phone, well, nobody who really knows me....all of my friends have my cell phone number.) Anyhow, the home phone rings and David answers it. He listens for a moment and then says, "Mom, I think it is for you."

Argh.....now I know this is not a call that I want to take.

I answer, "Hello, this is Tammy."

At this point, a woman says, "We are the ___ ____ association and we are taking a poll of national opinion."

She then asks, "Is there a registered male voter in the household that I could speak to?"

Well, I have to tell you....SHE HAS MY ATTENTION NOW.

I say, "No, there is not a male registered voter in this household."

She then has the audacity to say, "Oh, okay, well then I will ask for your opinions."

Welllllllll.............this did not sit well with me.......

I say, "I am sorry. Based upon your first question, you have forfeited the right to know my opinion now. If you want the opinion of any respectable woman, I would change that first question."

And I hung up.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Strap me in

So, last night when I came home from work, Becky says, "Mom, I have to be at school tomorrow at 6:15am for the play." Wow...fun times, but this is our life right now.

Well, I sit down on the couch and Becky lays down on me and falls asleep....she has a crazy schedule right now with school and homework and play. While I'm sitting there David calls from his away soccer game and tells me the game is over and asks me to come and get him so he doesn't have to wait for the girl's game to end and then ride the bus home. I slip out from under Becky and leave her sleeping and go get David.

At 8:15pm, David and I get home from the soccer game and open the door and Becky comes running into the kitchen yelling at me...."Mom, oh my gosh....why did you let me sleep so late? I was supposed to be at school at 6:15!!!! Oh, Brink is going to kill me....oh she's going to kill me." I respond, "Beck, I'm sorry. I thought you said you had to be at school at 6:15 tomorrow!" She screams, "Oh my gosh, NO....it was today! She's going to be so mad." Then she runs upstairs.

David and I are left standing in the kitchen. David looks at me and says, "Where did she go?"

"I have no idea," I reply. We stand there for a minute and we hear the shower turn on upstairs.

David looks at me and says, "Is she taking a shower?"

"I guess so," I reply.

We stand there for a few minutes and then decide to sit down in the living room. David looks at me and says, "This is weird. Why would she shower if she was so late? She didn't look dirty to me."

I shrug my shoulders. David says, "Why don't you go up and ask her what she's doing."

I look at him and say, "No way...she already took my head off once. I'm not asking her...you go do it."

"NO WAY," he responds.

So, we wait....the shower turns off and she comes running down the stairs....hair dripping wet, and she is dressing as she comes down. She runs into the living room and says, "Are we going to get going?"

I jump up and tell her that I was just waiting for her. She then says, "Isn't David going to school today?"

"What? Why would David have to come with us?" I ask.

"Well, are you going to let him skip school today?" Becky asks.

I then understand what is going on....Becky woke up from her nap and thought she had slept through the night....she thought it was 8:15 am....but it was 8:15pm. When I told her that....as she was standing there with hair dripping....well, we all burst out laughing.

Oh....the joys of a teenage girls emotional roller coaster when sleep deprived!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

When the lights go down in the city


So, my Becky is in this year's high school musical, The Wizard of Oz. She is one of the Lullaby League, a flying monkey and she is one of the featured dancers in the Jitter Bug.

I went and saw her perform last week...can I just say, I am so proud of my Becky.

She shines on stage....she is beautiful and when she smiles, the stage lights up.

I remember two years ago, when she wouldn't try out for the plays....instead she was on tech crew....coming out on the stage in all black only when the lights go out. But now, well now, she comes out on stage in beautiful costumes, when the spotlights are on her. She dances and sings and she shines.

I sat there and thought how far my Becky has come and how much she has grown up. No longer is she content to remain behind the scenes...no longer is she content to sit and watch the play happen and wait for the lights to dim. Now, she is confident and ready to face the audience.

It is how it should be....she's a junior now. I can see that she is getting ready to step out on the stage of life. Where I, as her mom, will become the spectator of her life...I am so sad, and yet so proud! You go Becky, I am your biggest fan! I love you!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Today's your birthday


So, today is my Katie's 19th birthday....she is 19 on the 19th.

Last year I had her with me on her birthday....last year was her 18th....and we had a cake for her and we gave her presents....

This year she is away at college....we didn't have cake....we had to mail her a card....no presents....

I know this is all part of growing up....and them growing independent and moving on....but, well, sometimes it hurts....19 years ago today....I saw her face to face and held her and began a love that has only grown stronger through the years....and today.....I can not see her face (because she won't be my friend on facebook) and I can not hold her.....but....I still love her....and it continues to grow.

Happy birthday my katie! I love you.

David and Goliath


So, this past weekend I spent the weekend in Cincinnati with my son, David, for a soccer tournament. My David is in the U-13 league...under 13, an interesting age in boys....

My David has always been tall for his age...he came into the world at 10 lbs. This year I have noticed that he is not always the tallest boy on the field anymore. As a matter of fact, at the start of one game, David was standing next to what I assumed was a man....maybe a ref or something....but he had on a uniform for the other team. David looks at me and rubs his chin and says, "I think he shaves." Then his eyes gets huge as he looks at this giant that he is going to defend.

David and I get in the car to come home and he falls asleep. The sunroof was open and the sun was shining in on his sweet face.....freckles.....peach-fuzz on his face...skin still baby smooth.....I look at him and smile. I think how much I wish he would stay like this....my sweet little boy.....no pimples....no straggly long hairs on his chin....no cuts from trying to shave.....just my baby boy's smooth little skin.

Then I think of him out on that field next to Goliath....David wanted nothing more than to stand up tall against this man....he wanted to be able to compete....he wanted to have hair on his chin...he wants to grow up.

Yes, it is how it should be....I can not wish or want to keep my David a little boy....he is becoming a young man....and soon, he will be the one on the field with facial hair.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Two plus two

So the other day, I had to call Sun Trust Bank. I dial the number and hear, "For hot sex now, stay on the line."

Needless to say....that got my attention....what the heck was Sun Trust up to. So...I'm sitting there wondering...do I stay on the line to find out....but if I do stay on the line...apparently I will get hot sex now......ohhhhhhh.....it's a dilemma.

Anyhow, I quickly hang up and realized what I have done....I transposed two numbers....so I called again and guess what, Sun Trust does answer their phone differently....."For great rates now, stay on the line."

Ohhhh....the irony of two numbers and two words!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Hey hillbilly


So, I find that God teaches me lessons from my own mouth...that I tend to be the illustration....I guess He knows that I need a very personal illustration.

Yesterday Becky and I were driving out of a parking garage in Lexington. I had gotten our parking ticket validated in the doctor's office. Becky pulls up behind the car at the toll booth....it is a typical eastern Kentucky looking car....with a typical eastern Kentucky looking hillbilly....er....I mean gentleman.

Well, he hands his parking ticket to the attendee and the attendee says something to him, and the hillbilly....er....gentleman begins to scrounge around his front seat for coins.....to which I announce, "Nice....hey hillbilly....it's always helpful to have the money out BEFORE pulling up to the toll booth."

It's our turn now...Becky pulls up to the booth, I hand her the parking ticket and she hands it to the attendee. He says, "That will be 75 cents." I say, "It was validated." He says, "Yep, it was, and that means that you get to park here for 75 cents.".....

So, as I begin to scrounge around the front seat for coins.....I begin to laugh and say, "Hmmm.....now who's the hillbilly who didn't have her money ready." Becky chuckles and says, "I wondered if you would realize that."

Yep....God has a way of teaching me through my own stupidity.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Paint by numbers


So, have you ever wondered how all the pieces parts of our life fit together in our spiritual journey? I do.

I am currently working through some spiritual formation material....one of the quotes that I ran across was this: "God has a holy will that draws every fragment of our lives into a beautiful mosaic of faith."

This caught my attention....just last night I was watching a Samantha Brown's travel show. She was visiting a city in Europe and she went to a shop that specialize in mosaics. Samantha was learning how to make a mosaic. She started with a drawing of a flower. Next, she began to break off pieces of glass....painstakingly breaking the right shade of color of the glass into the right shape and size....creating thousands of fragments of glass which she then began to place within the lines of the drawing. She asked the master why he spends so much time to make a mosaic instead of just painting the picture. He replied, "Look at the grand frescoes that were painted hundreds of years ago. The paint is fading, the color disappearing. But a mosaic made at the same time is still as vibrant and full of color as the day it was made. A mosaic does not fade. The beauty lasts."

Wow....so God prefers to create in a mosaic. He draws a grand outline....and instead of allowing me to quickly paint within the lines....using a brush to apply the color in one continuous stroke....instead.....He lets me create fragments....each one a different size and shape and color......and He is able to take the fragmented pieces of my life...each one just a fragmented piece on its own....but placed together....in His grand outline for my life.....and it is a beautiful piece of art that will not fade.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

An Easter feast


So, here is an update on week 2 of my dog's diet. It's been a tough week on him....more growling over a bowl full of carrots....more barking at the treat door.....

But today...well today was a grand day for Graham. I had cooked a turkey with all the fixin's for lunch. I had put the grease and bones and fat from the turkey in the garbage bag....and I had pulled the bag out of the garbage can in the kitchen, and I set it on the floor to take it to the garbage can outside.

So, I got invited over to a friend's house for supper and quickly ran out of the house to be on time to supper. Yep....I forgot about the garbage bag on the kitchen floor.

Upon my return....I found my dog, laying in the midst of turkey drippings.....whiskers all greasy from the feast.....turkey breath.....and a very FULL belly. So much for this week's weigh-in.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Grrrrrrr.....


So, have you ever tried to put your dog on a diet....not fun.

My little guy has put on a couple of pounds this past winter. The vet tells me that each pound for his size is equivalent to about 20 pounds on a person....yikes. So, Graham is on a diet. He's not happy. As a matter of fact he reminds me of myself on a diet....cranky....grouchy....and just kind of sassy about everything.

He growls at me and stares at the closet that holds his treat....he goes over to his empty food bowl and barks at me...so I go to the fridge and come back with a few carrots for him....he "gruffs" at me and walks away....I turn and go back to what I was doing....he waits and waits and waits....finally he quietly goes over to his food bowl and eats the carrots.

Sorry fella, I know exactly what you are feeling....mom is on a diet too!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Porch time

So, this past week I went down to Orlando for a work event. Instead of staying at a hotel, I stayed with some friends.....they work on the Orlando campus and I work on the Wilmore campus. We have been building up a long distance friendship through the phones and email. This past week I got to spend downtime with them....we laughed until we cried. As I sat there in this group of friends...I realized how much they mean to me...each one. I realized how they are some of my very dearest friends...yes, in this new era....I can have very dear, dear friends live 12 hours from me.

Thanks for the porch time, southern style!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Let me kiss it

So, this past weekend I went back home to attend the funeral of my aunt Nelda. It was hard to watch my cousins have to go through the loss of their mom.....

At the end of the funeral, we formed a circle around the sanctuary and sang "Blest be the ties that bind." As we sang, the mortician came in to close the casket. He lowered my aunt down into the casket and then tucked the lining of the casket around her and then closed the lid. Two of my cousins could not watch that.....tears streaming down their faces they stared into the air....one of my cousins and my uncle watched....they did not want to not miss one minute of the time that they had left looking at her.....

I stood there watching and thinking...your mom is there for you all through your life....teaching and nurturing.....kissing your boo-boos and teaching you how to go through the difficulties of life. How ironic it was their mom had probably tucked them into bed thousands of times.....and yet here they were....watching a stranger tuck her in for the last time.....and she was not there to kiss away the pain.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I know why the caged bird sings

I found this poem by Maya Angelou. I know about singing with a fearful trill....of singing of things unknown but longed for still, I know about standing on a grave of dreams. But sometimes I fear that I have forgotten my song of freedom.

A free bird leaps on the back of the wind
and floats downstream till the current ends
and dips his wing in the orange suns rays and dares to claim the sky.


But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage
can seldom see through his bars of rage

his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.


The caged bird sings with a fearful trill

of things unknown but longed for still

and his tune is heard on the distant hill

for the caged bird sings of freedom.


The free bird thinks of another breeze

and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees

and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and he names the sky his own.


But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams

his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream

his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.


The caged bird sings with a fearful trill

of things unknown but longed for still

and his tune is heard on the distant hill

for the caged bird sings of freedom.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

The forgotten song

So, it's been a very LONG, cold, hard winter here in Kentucky. I mean long and cold....no sunshine...no warmth....just cold and gray. BUT today.....today, I saw the sunshine.....and I heard birds sing.....and I smelled dirt.

That made me want to sit on my porch....so I sat on my front porch.....closed my eyes and listened to the birds sing. Before today, I was convinced that even the birds were depressed over the long winter....it seemed that they had forgotten their song. But today....today they sang their songs loudly and I sat on the porch and listened to them.

I had forgotten how wonderful dirt smells....the earth....but today, I smelled the earth and it restored my hope.

I had forgotten how warm the sunshine is....how it can seep into the very depths of my being....but today....I let it seep into my soul.

Yes, I sat on my porch and took the sounds and smells and warmth of the day in.....it was a very good day.....and I know that I can make it to spring now....I will keep humming the song of the birds until they can sing me awake every morning this spring.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

I am illustrated

So, this past weekend I had urgent need to rent a truck....a moving truck. The last time that I was in a moving truck was almost 2 years ago. It was a 24 foot Penske truck. A friend (and co-worker) and I were doing a road trip for work....heading to Florida.

It was a very long drive....we were taking turns at the wheel. It was my friend's turn to drive. We stopped for a break and I turned to start down the 2 steps from the cab of this very large truck and my foot got caught and out I fell....backward.....my head crashing on the cement road beneath me.

Anyhow, that was 2 years ago....but I am still a little apprehensive to get back into a moving truck. My fears were quickly turned to laughter as I noticed a very large sticker on the dashboard.

It said, "WARNING: Can cause serious injury / death." And the picture was this:


I began to laugh...I'm an illustration....I'm a stick-figure....if only they would have had this sticker in that truck 2 years ago...maybe I would have heeded the warning and not thrown myself out backward.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Refined mice



So, my Becky had to pull an all-nighter this week to prepare for a test. The next morning she loudly proclaims...."Mom, we have a mouse in the house. Please get rid of it!" as she parades around the house in shoes because she is afraid of the mouse.

Now can I just say this, I am not a cat fan....I prefer a dog....but in this instance....I picture my dog laying around the house all day while these mice have a party in my house and I wonder why I don't have a cat....it's a fleeting moment.

Anyhow, that night I ran to Lowe's for some mouse traps....I buy old-faithfuls, the wooden ones that kill the mice.

That night I loaded four of them with cheese...as I loaded them my Becky comes into see what I am doing. I show her...she then says, "Do these things kill the mouse?" I say, "Yes....as a matter of fact, these babies are so tight that I think they will decapitate the mice."

Becky then says, "Mommmmmm.....you can't kill the mouse!"

My David, who is 13 and all boy, says, "Ohhhh cool."

I tell him that it is his job to check the traps in the morning and get rid of the dead bodies.

Next morning....I wake David up and he goes to check the traps...."Nothing."

Becky sighs with relief.

Last night I load the traps with peanut butter....."We'll have mices in the morning."

This morning....no mices.....David is disgusted and Becky sighs with relief..."You know mom....we could just let the mice live in here."

So, tonight.....well.....I think I will put cheese and crackers and maybe a little wine out for them....or maybe my cheese is too strong.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Wibble wobble wibble wobble to and fro

So, I am a crazy mom....I mean the kind of mom that freaks out when I loose track of any of my children. I remember one such time when I took my kids to Disney World.

My David was 3 years old and my Becky was 6 and my Katie was 8. We went with a friend of mine and her three children. We were trying to keep track of 6 kids, so we would strategically place one adult in the front of the six kids and the other at the end of the line. Our system was working well....until the "Lion King."

We were leaving the "Lion King" show....there was a large crowd of people filing out of the auditorium. We decided that we should stop and check the map to see where we would go next. So, we filed out and found a little nook that we could step out from the crowd and check the map. Front adult stepped to the left.....kids followed....I was bringing up the rear and stepped to the left....I then began my count of the kids....1, 2, 3, 4, 5........5.......where was my David?

My heart stopped.....no David. Where was he? I ran to find a Disney World employee while the others began a search of the area. My heart stopped....my mind going in all kinds of directions...what if someone stole my son....what if that was the last time that I saw my son....what if I never hugged him again....I wanted to vomit.

Twenty minutes later they radioed to me that they had found David. He was only a few hundred yards from the Lion King show. While we had filed out of the show...and stepped out of the line....he had just continued to follow an adult butt....not realizing it was not his mommy's butt that he was following.

My advice to young parents......make a big mark on your butt, something that is unique so that your little ones follow the right butt.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

There's a hole in the bucket


So, I have been struggling to describe what I am feeling inside lately. I think that I would describe it as "empty."

Empty means lacking reality, substance, meaning or value; or having no purpose. Another word would be "vacuous" - meaning lacking contents that should be present.

What has caused this emptiness? Why am I lacking meaning and value? What contents should be present?

So, I begin to try to pour the contents that should be present back into me....I begin to find ways to pour meaning and value back into my life....

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I've got the love of Jesus down in my heart


So, someone sent me this today and it made me laugh.

A nurse on the pediatric ward, before listening to the little ones' chest, would plug the stethoscope into their ears and let them listen to their own heart. Their eyes would always light up with awe, but she never got a response equal to four-year old David's comment. Gently she tucked the stethoscope into his ears and placed the disk over his heart. "Listen," she said...."What do you suppose that is?" He drew up his eyebrows and looked up as if lost in the mystery of the strange tap - tap - tapping deep in his chest. Then his face brok out in a wondrous grin and he asked, "Is that Jesus knocking?"

I laugh because this reminds me of my great niece Hannah. She and her nee-nee (aka, my sister) were laying in bed one night discussing how Jesus lives in your heart. Hannah rolled over to the edge of the bed and gasped...."Nee-nee, I think Jesus just fell out of bed."

Friday, February 5, 2010

I am here


So, last night I went to the Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts in Louisville to watch my son perform in the All State Junior Chorus. There was a full house, which meant there were over 2,000 people in the audience.

My son walked out onto the stage. I was so proud....there was my little boy, all grown up....on stage in Louisville.

The KMEA staff went through the introductions and formalities. As they were going through them....there was my son, hand up on his forehead trying to block out the spotlights so he could find me in the audience. It did not matter to him that his cool best friend was not looking for his mom....my David was going to find me. He was scanning the audience, back and forth. Problem was that I was in the very back row. I stood up and lit up my cell phone and began to wave my arms back and forth with cell phone light glowing. David continue to scan the audience....hand blocking out the spotlights.....scanning.....scanning.....and then he saw me. He smiled and his face glowed....he was contented.....and he could sing now.

I wondered....is God scanning the crowd for me.....and when He sees me, does His face light up?

The top shelf

So, tonight when I finished my shower, I began to dry off....starting with my hair. I caught my earring in the towel and felt it come out of my ear. I did NOT hear it hit the shower floor. That worried me....since these are the earrings that David bought me for Christmas last year.

I began to look for the earring in the towel.....nothing.

I felt my earlobe.....nothing.

I am perplexed......then I look down, and there is the earring.....sitting right on top of my boob. Seriously? It's time for a reduction.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Trust me....


So, I am in the second month of my year of "Trust." Hmmm......what could month number two hold. In my typical fashion...I didn't figure it would hold much.

Last month I said a simple prayer asking God to let my David get to see the UK Wildcats play basketball in person. Within four days....David was sitting at Rupp Arena watching the Cats play basketball. God had amazed me.

Ephesians 3: 20 states, Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine...

Immeasurably more than all I can ask or imagine...seriously?

So last night I am washing dishes and my cell phone rings. It's a friend of mine...Steve. Steve asks if he can speak to David. I put David on the phone. David's face begins to shine....I have no idea what is going on but David is smiling from ear to ear. He hangs up....Steve had asked him to go to tonight's UK basketball game.

Immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine....well.....I asked for David to get to see one UK basketball game this season....within one month of that prayer....he's up to two!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Orbit....for the dirty mouth


So, my dog, Graham, walks over to me and sneaks in a quick kiss.....

Anyhow, I have been rejected by all kinds of men in my life.....but now this is a new all time low....

As soon as he finishes with his stealth kiss....he starts to sneeze and then jumps down on the rug and begins to rub his face all over the place.

Hi mom


So, I was getting ready for work the other morning...you know, doing hair, pouring cereal, putting on my makeup, packing lunches....etc. I was running a little behind and trying to get the kids ready for the bus so that I could scoot out the door to get to work. My cell phone rang....it was my Katie. I miss her.

She said, "Mom, get on the computer and look at the webcam for Geneva."

I did.....and there was my Katie.....waving at me.

Talk about a GREAT way to start my morning!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The sweetest sound on earth


So, last night my children, Becky and David, came into my bedroom while I was getting ready for bed.

Becky decided it was time to do my nails. What a treat!

David decided it was time to entertain us....so he began. We laughed and joined in with his crazy antics.

Then Becky and David start showing each other their newly forming six-pack. I say, "Do you want to see mine?"

David's eyes get huge and he says, "Nooooooooooooo...."

Here's the thing.....if you tell your children that your boobs hang to your knees......and you are in your PJs.......and you tell your children that you are going to show them your belly..........then don't be surprised when you say that you are going to show them your belly and they have total FEAR in their eyes!

I love to laugh with my children.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Does this make me look fat?


So, this past weekend I went shopping with a friend....a friend who also enjoys the absurdity of life.

We walk into a store of woman's clothing....aka....they got my size. Anyhow, so the sales lady walks up to me....now you would think that this store for us larger women would employ larger women.....but oh no, I just happen to get the one who is a size 2....petite....I hated her immediately.

Anyhow, my friend is telling this sales ASSociate that she is introducing me to the idea of woman's clothing...you know, where the sizes run a little larger for us fuller-figured ladies. Anyhow, the sales ASSociate disappears and returns with a shirt that she is CERTAIN will fit me.....

She says, "It runs HUGE, so I know that it will fit you."

My friend and I burst out laughing....laugh or cry....you decide.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Do your ears hang low?


So, today I was standing in a circle at work. I happen to be the oldest woman on my floor. Anyhow, so I look around the room at all the ladies there, and I notice something. Several of us have our arms folded in front of us....I happen to be one of them.

Here's the thing though, the 20-somethings in the room, well, they have their arms crossed and they are crossed under their boobs....while mine.....well.......mine are crossed but they are resting on top of my boobs.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

You gotta love Kentucky

So, I happen to LOVE watching the local news here in Kentucky. I do it when I need to laugh.

Last night this story ran....enjoy it:

A Burglary A Stabbing And A Turtle

Posted: Jan 21, 2010 5:52 AM
Updated: Jan 21, 2010 7:32 AM

A turtle found itself caught in the middle of a domestic dispute in Nicholasville early Thursday morning.

Police say a man and a woman showed up at an apartment complex on Grinder Court around 2 a.m. The man planned to help the woman move out of her ex-boyfriend's home. At some point, police say the man forced his way into the former boyfriend's apartment and punched him. The resident stabbed the man in the leg in self defense, just as the woman threw the pet turtle, cracking its shell.

The stabbing victim, now an accused burglar, is expected to recover. He faces charges.

The turtle was checked out at the scene. No word on the extent of its injuries.

Police have not released the names of those involved.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

God and UK basketball


So, my word for 2009 was "JOY." As you know, it was not one of my easier years, but alas, a year later and I do have a joy that is not my own, but resonates from deep within my soul.

This is now 2010 and I began praying for my word for this coming year. I immediately heard my word and I immediately acknowledged and claimed it....that was another thing that I learned last year, don't fight your word.

So my word for 2010 is "TRUST." This word has so many facets involved with it. I know that this will be an interesting journey for me.

So, I decide to strap myself in and enjoy the ride!

I must tell you.....this year has started with a bang again. I had an incident happen that has taken my breath away....it is an answer to a seemingly small prayer.....but it goes to the depth of the meaning of my word.

On Tuesday, January 5th, I prayed a mom's prayer. My David is a huge UK Wildcat basketball fan. He loves this team and he especially loves to watch John Wall (the new freshman) play. So David and I watched last weeks basketball game and when it was over, David asked me if we could go see them play in person. Well, here in Kentucky, basketball is a religion! And when we have a winning season (like this year), you can not get any ticket for a reasonable price. So, I stammered around and told him that I did not think we would be able to go....my heart was aching as I said it.

That night as I prayed, I asked my loving heavenly Father to please let my David get to see the Wildcats play this season. I know, I know.....in the grand scheme of the world, this is a silly request, but to a single mom....it's not.

So, I decided that I would write my prayer in my journal...part of trust.

This morning I was at work and my cell phone rang, it was my David. He said, "Mom, Houston's dad has an extra ticket to today's UK basketball game. They want to know if I can go with them." I wept as I answered, "Yes."

Friday, January 8, 2010

Tiptoe through the tulips

So, my Katie is upstairs right now, packing away. I can hear her bumping and thumping around as she packs up all of her belongings and gets ready to head back to college. I am sad.

She has been home for 3 weeks. It has been good to have her home again.

I was once the college girl, packing up my belongings to head back to school. I remember the excited that I felt as I prepared to leave again for another semester of studying and fun. I remember that my mom always seems a little sad as I packed and even more so when I said goodbye and walked into my dorm. I now understand why.

I think it might be easier to be the person who leaves. You are walking into new environments where there are no memories of the old things and old people of your life. While those who are left behind, are left in the same environment. They walk into a room and see your favorite chair, but you are not there. They sit at the table where you have sat among them, and they feel your absence. They walk through the house and hear your laughter missing.

Yes, I think it is easier to leave than to tiptoe around the memory of you.