Remembering Joy

Today in church...I'm sitting in my seat. It's a missions day.

Okay.

We're singing some songs that I don't know, so I just let the music wash over me while I look to see who's in church, who's sitting with whom, who looks happy to be here, who looks like they were dragged here by their ear...people watching - one of my favorite things.

Suddenly, we begin to sing a song...I'm caught off guard. It's "Here I am Lord." I can remember the first time that I heard this song. It was 14 years ago. I was in Morgantown Alliance Church. It was our Missions Conference. We sang this song, I began to weep. It became my prayer to the Lord. At that moment, I felt the call to go into ministry.

Shortly after that, we moved here to go to seminary and began our journey into ministry. Somewhere we took a wrong turn. We got lost.

Now 14 years later, I'm divorced, a single mom with 3 children, and I'm stuck here. My journey has ended here. No ministry, no call.

Now the song has turned into, "Here I am, Lord. It can't be I Lord."

Stuck...no minstry...no call. I weep.