Emergency

So, last night I had to go to a dinner at work with some dignitaries. As I was leaving home, I tell Becky and David, "I am going to be at a dinner. Don't call me. TEXT if you need me."

Okay, so sitting at dinner talking with people and discussing church issues. Buzzzzz.......buzzzzzz, I look and see this message from David, "There is a big bug in our house and its on the really high up window. How do I kill it."

"Don't worry about it," I text back.

Buzz......buzz

"What if it lays eggs," David asks.

I respond, "Don't worry."

Buzz.....buzz

"Will you kill it?" David texts.

This continues until I finally text...."Stop texting me. I am in a meeting......only text if it is an emergency."

A little later I get this text from David, "Its an emergency."

My heart stops and I text, "What?"

David responds, "When are we gonna bomb the house because idk where its at and it moved."

Emergency.....there was almost an emergency when I got home from my dinner......and it had nothing to do with the whereabouts of the big bug!

Family jewels

So, yesterday I had a couple of moles removed from my leg....something that I have to live with because my mom and dad loved me more than my siblings and therefore bestowed all the family jewels, er....I mean moles, on me! Thanks mom and dad!

Anyhow, yesterday I went to the doctor and they snipped the little boogers off. I never bother to tell anyone because it is not really a big deal to me.

Last night I was sitting in the living room talking to my children and playing around. David decides to punch me in the leg in jest. Of course, he pegs me right in the spot where a mole was removed. I winced. He asked me why. I told him that I had some moles removed and he happened to hit me in one of the spots.

At this point, Katie my resident smart-butt, says, "David, punch her all over the place so we can see what else she's had done and been hiding from us!"

What size?

So, I blogged about my bra blowout last week.....well there is more to the story.

Good news, Victoria has stood behind her product. They mailed me a new bra and asked me to mail my blown-out bra back to them.

I did not have an envelope to put the bra in, so today I tucked the used, blown-out bra under my armpit and headed to the little post office here in town. A friend, Tammy, was riding to work with me, so when I stopped to go into the post office, she decided to go in for stamps. Fine.....I told her that I was hoping for the following: no men in the post office and a woman behind the counter.

We walk in....I say, "Whew, good, no men and a woman behind the counter." Tammy, my friend, steps in front of me and goes to the counter and orders stamps.......IS SHE KIDDING ME?????? So, I'm standing there waiting in line and sure enough, "bing-bong," the door opens and in walks a man.....a student from where I work.

Well, now I am totally flustered and walk up to the counter and I stammer out, "Ummmm....I have something that I need to return and I need an envelope."

The woman behind the counters says, "What size?"

I am dumbfounded....is she asking me the size of my bra? How does she know....I have it safely tucked up under my arm?"

I am stammering and I realize that she is asking me what size envelope....well, I can't think so I say, "Just give me 100 stamps."

I pay and take my stamps out into the lobby and begin to give Tammy, my friend, a piece of my mind.

I wait for the gentleman to leave and I walk back in and up to the counter. The woman behind the counter looks at me like I have completely lost my mind and says, "Can I help you again?"

I say, "Okay." and I pull out the double D and say, "I have to mail this. My beep-beep friend jumped in front of me and then that man came in and I didn't want to pull this out in front of him. But now, I need an envelope to stuff this in and I need to mail it back to the company."

She laughs. I say, "So what size do you think I need?" She looks at my bra laying there on the counter and say, "I'd make it a BIG one."

Thanks friend!

Follow your bubbles

So, I once sat in on a beginner-level scuba diving course. I remember hearing this...."If you get disoriented or confused under water; exhale and follow your bubbles." See, your bubbles will always go to the surface and they will lead you up.

I feel like I'm drowning; I'm disoriented and confused. So, I am exhaling and blowing bubbles.....

Too many nuts at work

So, today I am at work. It's getting around 10:00 am and I'm getting hungry. So I mosey on back to the stash of mixed nuts that we always have on hand in the back office. There are 4 opened cans of mixed nuts. I open can #1 - only thing left in there is a few peanuts. I open can #2 - only thing left is a half a can of peanuts. I open can #3 and it is full to the top with....you guessed it, peanuts. I don't even have to open can #4 because the lid is off and there are only peanuts.

I go through each can, pushing peanuts aside with my finger....hoping to come across one little hazelnut or almond....anything but another peanut. Alas, there is one lonely little hazelnut hidden in the bottom of can #3. And the only reason it survived was because it was so small that it looked like a peanut.

I wonder....how many peanuts do they put in each can compared to the other more popular nuts. It sure seems like they put 2 hazelnuts, 2 Brazil nuts, 3 almonds, 3 cashews, and 4 walnuts......and the rest of that 12 oz can is all peanuts. I wonder.....what if they put 50 hazelnuts, 25 Brazil nuts, 40 almonds, 30 cashews, 19 walnuts and 2 PEANUTS in there!!! Would everyone then think the peanuts are the special nut? Would everyone fight over the peanut? Is it the sheer volume of the peanuts found in the mix nuts what seems to make it so ordinary?

I know, I know....when it comes to nuts....I'm king.....but I have to wonder sometimes if I am just a little peanut....nothing special.....just one in a million in a can of nuts......in case you are wondering, the nut can is my metaphor for my place of work. Oh......I long to be that one little hazelnut found in the bottom of the can!

Clip.....Ouch

So, yesterday I was sitting at work when two of my children, Becky and David, show up. They had been bored at home and walked to see me.

We visited for a few minutes. Becky then said, "Mom, I have a hang nail. Do you have any nail clippers here?"

I pull out the pair of nail clippers that I keep safely tucked in my desk drawer and hold them up in the air, as if holding Excalibur......at this point.......a heavenly light shines upon them and heavenly music begins to play.

Becky is thrilled and pleads for me to gently hand them to her....and David runs over and begs for them following Becky's turn.

Okay, it's time to shed a little light on the history of the nail clippers. My oldest daughter, Katie, has some kind of weird nail clipper fetish....which causes any nail clippers that I buy for our home to magically disappear anytime Katie has used them. She ALWAYS claims that she has put them back where they belong, but this is what I know.....one minute they are in their designated place and the next minute I hear Katie using them.....and then, "Poof," they are gone. So, my solution, after sacrificing 35 nail clippers to the nail clipper fiend in our home, was to buy a pair and leave them at work. Good solution for me....not such a good one for Becky and David.

Back to yesterday at work, Becky spends 15 minutes giving herself a pedicure and a manicure...I hear, "Clip, ouch........clip, ouch............clip, ouch. Man those little buggers could put my eye out." This is what happens when you can't find clippers at home....Becky's nails were monstrously long, and the cutting of them was causing those long buggers to fly up and hit her in the face....nearly putting out an eye.

Next it was David's turn. Again, finger nails flying.....then the shoes came off and the toe nails started to fly.

When they finished, they each breathed a sigh of relief......"Oh, that feels so good."

So, today I'm sitting at my desk.....when my co-worker comes in and stops short of coming near my desk. "Tammy, what is that?" she asks. I look....there on the edge of my desk is one BIG toe nail....a gift from my son. I laugh and look around me.....they have left me gifts of themselves....I am sitting in the midst of toe and finger nail shards.......totally surround by them.

I love my kids.....all the way down to their little toes!

A blowout

So, have you ever had a blowout while traveling at a high speed?

I did, today....quite a scary thing!

I was walking with a friend over to the Subway....walking when suddenly, blowout, whomp...whomp....whomp......wobbling out of control.

To be specific....I blew one cup on my bra. The underwire blew out completely.....poking me in the side and leaving my boob to wobble all over the place.

I slowed down and traveled slower. My friend suggested pulling the underwire out....but that would have been like driving with a doughnut....no thanks. So, I just drove around slowly on my "flat."

Okay Victoria......here's a secret......we double D's need to be able to travel at high speeds without worrying about a blowout!

40 miles from Place to Pointe

So, last week my son's soccer team manager sent me 3 emails concerning their first game, which was to be held this past Sunday. I don't know why he sent me THREE. The subject line said, "Directions to Bell P..." Okay, so I read the subject line up to "Bell P...." and my mind reads "Bell Place" which is my son's home field.

I found it strange that they would send out directions to his home field...but justified it because we have some new team members that might not know how to find our field. Since I know how to get to Bell Place, our home field, I didn't read the directions. I did read that we were to be at the field at 1:45pm.

It's Sunday, I go to church and then kill time grocery shopping at Kroger before going to pick up David from an overnighter at a friends house. We are on our way home (it's 1:15pm) and David asks me if we are going to make it to his game by 1:45pm. I tell him that we will be a little early, as Bell Place is only 10 minutes from our house. David then says, "I think our game is in Frankfort." I tell him he is wrong....he asks me how I know this and I tell him because I got 3 emails from Rod giving me directions to Bell Place. David insists that the game is in Frankfort. So he calls Rod to make sure.....it's now 1:25pm.

Rod confirms what David has said.....the game is in Frankfort.....at Bell Pointe....40 miles from home....it's 1:30pm. We throw the groceries into the house and start our flight to Frankfort. I arrive 5 minutes before the game.

Just enough time for David to change into his new uniform on the sidelines.....stripping down to his boxers to change.....his coach says, "Nice undies." David replies, "My mom says they are not undies, they are boxer SHORTS."

So my life....a comedy of errors!

They're coming to take me away

So this morning I have to take my daughter to high school at 8:00 am for band practice. It is FOGGY....I mean cut-it-with-a-knife fog! So I am driving slowly. I drop her off and head back Jessamine Station Road.....going to work. I am driving slowly down the road when suddenly I see some things running right down the road toward me.

In this fog, I can't make out what I am seeing so I begin to slow down. I see several tall things lumbering at me. In the mist, it looks like several 6 ft. tall men in white suites running toward me.

A song begins to run through my mind....

They're coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa To the funny farm.
Where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're coming to take me away, ha-haaa!!!!!

Okay...so now these tall, lumbering men in white coats are getting closer (coming to take me away)....so I come to a stop, in the middle of the road.

At this moment, the tall lumbering men in white coats turns out to be a pack of llamas. They run past my car.....YES.....that was a pack of llamas.

I sat there...in this surreal fog.....with a pack of llamas running past me....wondering, "Maybe those men in white coats do need to take me away." I wonder if this funny farm has llamas.

Porch time again

Good friends gather together on a porch and there is.....

Laughter and silence,
Joy and tears,
Life and love,
Sunset and clouds,
Truth and grace.

The sound of majesty

So, today I am at work and my kids are home. Suddenly a storm rolls in....I mean a storm; powerful and mysterious......fast and furious......majestic and grand.

I love a good storm....I love to watch a good storm roll in...I love to stop and listen to the crashing thunder. In those moments I find that the noise of our crazy world cease, seeming silent....muted by the sound of majesty. I love those moments.

In those moments, like today, I am amazed at the grandeur of God.

I join the Psalmist in thought, "When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; What is man that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visited him?"

I have passed along my love of storms to my children, and even my dog.

So, today, this powerful storm rolls in....I am excited. I am watching it unfold out the window and suddenly the power of the storm and the fact that my children are home alone hits me...and I begin to worry. I am not there to 'protect' them.

BOOM, RUMBLE.....I realize that this powerful storm shows the strength of my God....the strength of my God to create this storm and protect my children.

The crazy thoughts of my small mind, muted by the majesty of God!