Hillbilly heaven

So, today I had to run into Kroger quickly to get a cookie-cake for work tonight. I was on my lunch hour and in a bit of a hurry.

Note to self....never think that you can run into Kroger quickly for anything in the middle of the day when you live in Hillbilly Heaven.

So, I am flying into the Kroger parking lot when alas, I have to slam on the break for a very large, old, dilapidated Town Car who decides to pull in front of me and SLOWLY make his way through the parking lot. Grrrrr........me and my Honda are tight on his rear-end.

Slowly......oil-burning Town Car putt-putt-putt looking for a parking spot.....as soon as I get to a row, I make a hard left and Town Car continues closer to the entrance. I go about 6 spots down the row and park. I quickly get out of the car and rapidly walk to the entrance. As I get close to the entrance....there is the dang Town Car pulling up in front of the store, in the fire lane, and parking.

"Are you kidding me," I think to myself.

Then the best part of my day happens.....the lady in the Town Car opens her door as I am approaching and gets out and steps right in front of me....a move that is very similar to the one she just made with her car. "Nice," I think. Then she spreads out between the flowers that line the entrance to Kroger so that I can not get around her.

I am in a mood now.....

Then, as if this hasn't been fun enough.......she proceeds to shuffle slowly toward the door (blocking me) and begins to dig her underwear out of her butt-crack....

Yes, you read that right....now I'm tight on her rear-end, only this time, it just gives me a front row seat to a wedgy pick!