Monster truck crash in church

So, remember my "Monster Trucks" post several months ago....for those that don't, let me remind you. My 12-year old son calls large breasts, "Monster Trucks."

Okay, today I am sitting in church next to a friend, Mary. My children, Becky and David, finally come into the sanctuary. Mary steps out of the pew to let them in, and I just decide to scoot down and let them sit next to her. Becky looks at me and says, "Trade places? Don't you want to sit next to your friend?" I say sure, and I begin to try to scoot behind them....I am bumping and squeezing between them and the chairs....finally, I get back to my original seat.

We do some praise and worship and then the pastor gets up and says that the question for meet-and-greet is, "When was the last time that you saw an accident."

Becky turns to me and says, "There was a massive monster truck wreck just minutes ago here in this pew."

Lady, where's my spy camera?

So, I am a secret Simpson's fan. I haven't watched it in years, but I used to watch it all the time. There was one episode that I remember that was one of my favorites. Bart had ordered a mail-order "Spy camera" from a magazine, and every day after sending his order in the mail, he would greet the mail-woman at the door and say this, "Lady, where's my spy camera?"

Okay, I happen to have a few obsessive compulsive people in my life...I think that might be why I loved this episode.

So my oldest daughter, Katie, is at college. I miss her. I miss the sound of her voice (she communicates with me via texting)....I miss how she looks. Well, I was wandering around on Geneva's website and found that they have 2 webcams...I found this right before I took her to college. Okay, so here I am....I am missing her and I find that daily I meet the mail-woman at the door and look at my "spy camera"....in other words, I'm on the Geneva website daily, trying to catch one little glimpse of my girl.

I guess now I know why I have obessive compulsive people in my life.....we attract each other.

Big life....small room

So, my oldest, Katie, is at college now. Yes I know, it's hard to believe that someone who looks so young could possibly have a child in college....humor me please....I'm teetering on the edge.

Anyhow, so she is away at school. I was talking with a friend about it and she said, "Our children have to be let go....and their life inflates like a life preserver."

I have been mulling over that statement. I like that statement. I picture one of those inflatable life rafts....those rafts that have a pull cord. You pull it and the flat, small raft begins to fill with air....expanding into a very large raft, filling a room (if you are crazy enough to pull the cord in a room).

That is my Katie....as she has grown up, her life has been expanding.....but to reach her fullness....she had to be let go.....moved out of that small room and into the world so that she had room to expand. She is away at college now....expanding.

Here's the funny thing that I have noticed....now that Katie has moved out of the house....it has made more room for Becky to begin to expand. She is beginning to fill that space. I've always enjoyed being with Becky, but I never realized how extremely funny she is.

Yes....our children do need room to expand.....and as we give them room and move them out of the house....it makes room for the next child.

Emergency

So, last night I had to go to a dinner at work with some dignitaries. As I was leaving home, I tell Becky and David, "I am going to be at a dinner. Don't call me. TEXT if you need me."

Okay, so sitting at dinner talking with people and discussing church issues. Buzzzzz.......buzzzzzz, I look and see this message from David, "There is a big bug in our house and its on the really high up window. How do I kill it."

"Don't worry about it," I text back.

Buzz......buzz

"What if it lays eggs," David asks.

I respond, "Don't worry."

Buzz.....buzz

"Will you kill it?" David texts.

This continues until I finally text...."Stop texting me. I am in a meeting......only text if it is an emergency."

A little later I get this text from David, "Its an emergency."

My heart stops and I text, "What?"

David responds, "When are we gonna bomb the house because idk where its at and it moved."

Emergency.....there was almost an emergency when I got home from my dinner......and it had nothing to do with the whereabouts of the big bug!

Family jewels

So, yesterday I had a couple of moles removed from my leg....something that I have to live with because my mom and dad loved me more than my siblings and therefore bestowed all the family jewels, er....I mean moles, on me! Thanks mom and dad!

Anyhow, yesterday I went to the doctor and they snipped the little boogers off. I never bother to tell anyone because it is not really a big deal to me.

Last night I was sitting in the living room talking to my children and playing around. David decides to punch me in the leg in jest. Of course, he pegs me right in the spot where a mole was removed. I winced. He asked me why. I told him that I had some moles removed and he happened to hit me in one of the spots.

At this point, Katie my resident smart-butt, says, "David, punch her all over the place so we can see what else she's had done and been hiding from us!"

What size?

So, I blogged about my bra blowout last week.....well there is more to the story.

Good news, Victoria has stood behind her product. They mailed me a new bra and asked me to mail my blown-out bra back to them.

I did not have an envelope to put the bra in, so today I tucked the used, blown-out bra under my armpit and headed to the little post office here in town. A friend, Tammy, was riding to work with me, so when I stopped to go into the post office, she decided to go in for stamps. Fine.....I told her that I was hoping for the following: no men in the post office and a woman behind the counter.

We walk in....I say, "Whew, good, no men and a woman behind the counter." Tammy, my friend, steps in front of me and goes to the counter and orders stamps.......IS SHE KIDDING ME?????? So, I'm standing there waiting in line and sure enough, "bing-bong," the door opens and in walks a man.....a student from where I work.

Well, now I am totally flustered and walk up to the counter and I stammer out, "Ummmm....I have something that I need to return and I need an envelope."

The woman behind the counters says, "What size?"

I am dumbfounded....is she asking me the size of my bra? How does she know....I have it safely tucked up under my arm?"

I am stammering and I realize that she is asking me what size envelope....well, I can't think so I say, "Just give me 100 stamps."

I pay and take my stamps out into the lobby and begin to give Tammy, my friend, a piece of my mind.

I wait for the gentleman to leave and I walk back in and up to the counter. The woman behind the counter looks at me like I have completely lost my mind and says, "Can I help you again?"

I say, "Okay." and I pull out the double D and say, "I have to mail this. My beep-beep friend jumped in front of me and then that man came in and I didn't want to pull this out in front of him. But now, I need an envelope to stuff this in and I need to mail it back to the company."

She laughs. I say, "So what size do you think I need?" She looks at my bra laying there on the counter and say, "I'd make it a BIG one."

Thanks friend!

Follow your bubbles

So, I once sat in on a beginner-level scuba diving course. I remember hearing this...."If you get disoriented or confused under water; exhale and follow your bubbles." See, your bubbles will always go to the surface and they will lead you up.

I feel like I'm drowning; I'm disoriented and confused. So, I am exhaling and blowing bubbles.....