Time to say goodbye

So, this past weekend I had to take my Becky to college. She is starting her freshman year at Taylor.

I am so very proud of her....of the young woman that she has become.

When my Becky entered my life, I was just turning 30. We were living outside Morgantown, WV on a farm. Life was complicated at that point....but my Becky came along and she brought joy and contentment to me.

Becky seemed to smile from the moment she was born. She loved life....she loved to watch life....she loved to watch her sister play and run past her. She would smile whenever she saw me enter a room. She loved to be held, but didn't demand it. She was content. She has remained that way all through life....not demanding.

As I drove her up to college I had a profound sense of sadness....of regrets. I realized that I had taken advantage of her sweet, non-demanding nature. I was a new mom....and I didn't realize that just because my Becky didn't demand my hugs and kisses didn't mean that she didn't want them.

As the time drew near to say goodbye and leave her....I fought the deep urge to hold her and kiss her and hug her.....and make up for lost time. I wanted to make up for the lost hugs and kisses....I wanted to turn back the clock and claim a 'do-over.'

As I hugged her for that last time....my eyes filled with tears....and my soul overflowed with sadness.

I wanted to hold her and never let her go....but I missed that time in her life....and now I am in a new season, where I have to step back and let her go....I just wished I would have held her more before this time.

My Becky, I love you!

Growing love

So, this weekend both of my girls had to be at college. My Katie back to Geneva for her junior year. My Becky to Taylor for her freshman year.

I am going to give a blog to each of them. But first I want to comment on my family and all of the emotions of it.

I realized something about my family this week. It wasn't a profound thought....I'm sure someone else has already vocalized this....but it was a new thought for me. I am in the season of diminishment, not growth. This is the opposite of my twenties and thirties, when my family was growing and getting louder.

I remember when I had my Katie. When I brought her home, it changed, and was louder. It changed for the good....it grew and the dynamics of our family changed and the way we related changed too....as did my love....they both grew, our family and my love, and encompassed her fully.

Then I had my Becky. When I brought her home, it changed, and was louder. It changed for the good...it grew and the dynamics of our family and the way we related changed too.....as did my love....they both grew, our family and my love, and encompassed her fully.

Then I had my David. When I brought him home, it changed, and was louder. It changed for the good...it grew and the dynamics of our family changed too.....as did my love.....they both grew, our family and my love, and encompassed him fully.

Two years ago I took my Katie to college. She left my home, and it changed, and got quieter. At first I didn't think it was good....my home was diminished....the dynamics of our family and the way we related changed...but what didn't diminish was my love for her....it continued to grow.....and encompass her all the way in Pennsylvania. It grew too as she matured and began a new season of her life....my love grew around her.

I also began to see that Becky was able to grow.....the space that Katie had occupied was empty....and Becky was able to grow and expand into that space....she blossomed, and my love grew around her and encompassed her.

The way we related to one another within my home changed....it was different, but it didn't diminish our love for Katie...it was just different.

This year I took my Katie and my Becky to college...and my home changed again, and got quieter. At first I didn't think it was good....my home diminished...the dynamics of our family and the way that we related changed too...but what didn't diminish was my love for her....it continued to grow....and encompass her all the way in Indiana. It grew too as she matured and began a new season of her life....my love grew around her.

I am now anxious to see how my David grows into the space that Becky had occupied. I am anxious to see how he blossoms and I know that my love will grow around him....

Not a momma's boy

So, today I took my David out school shopping. He's 14 now....a freshman in high school. We went to several stores looking for good deals on name brand clothing. He likes to look good and smell even better. No longer were we looking for t-shirts with funny sayings. Yes, he is growing up.

On our way into the mall, he was in front of me. He opened the door and began to walk in. I was a little offended that he hadn't held the door opened for me....then I noticed he glanced behind him as he was walking through the door.....he quickly stopped and came back and held the door. I smiled as I walked through. I turned to thank him, but he was still holding the door.....turns out there was a dark haired, size 4, curvy young teenage girl behind me.

Nope, he's not a momma's boy anymore.....as a matter of fact....he seems more like a papa's boy.

A menopausal shooting mom

So, I am a single mom. I have 3 children, a 20 year old daughter, a 17 year old daughter, and a 14 year old son. We have had a very 'girl' home for some years now. This spring both of my girls will be away at college, which will mean it will just be my son and me, and my little boy dog. I guess I will be outnumbered and then it will be a very 'boy' home.

In preparation for that day, I have decided that it's not enough to just start burping and farting and scratching, so I am in the process of joining the local rod and gun club. But I don't have enough money to do that, so I am working off my club fees.

This past week I went out to do my first 4 hours of manual labor. It was a very hot and humid night. I mean HOT. I had come home from work, quickly changed into my nasties, and went out. I had to trim hedges for a while, and then wash down some double doors and then tape and paint it with oil paint. It was hot, I had begun sweating during the hedge trimming, and once I start, I can not stop. So I'm standing at the front door of the lodge, taping and painting. Turns out there was some type of meeting going on that night. So, all the men were coming for the meeting. And there I was...let me paint you the picture. I was in nasty clothing and they were soak and wet from sweat. My hair was totally soaked, I mean, plastered to my head and sweat dripping off of it and running down my face, which caused my makeup to run down my cheeks. My face was bright red from being overheated....I was a sight, and I was meeting all these men for the first time.

One of them went inside and came out with a fan. I asked, "Oh, do you want me to use that to try to dry the oil paint faster?" He said, "No, it's for you."

And I thought I looked sexy....

Nicely done

So, last night I walk into my house following work. I immediately smell a nasty odor wafting through the house....can't put my finger on it....but it's NAS-TY. I walk through the living room...there are my children on their laptops....and there is dog vomit on the carpet in the middle of the living room.

"Nice." I say as I continue to walk through.

I get to the kitchen...the nasty smell intensifies. I follow it....into the bathroom....there is a pot full of poo-stew. I almost vomit from the smell.....

"Nice." I say as I flush the toilet.

The poo-stew swirls around for a minute as it rises close to the rim.....clogged.

"Nice." I say as I walk out of the bathroom to find the plunger.

"Mommmmmmmm.....what's for dinner?" the children say from behind their laptops in the living room.

"Nice." I say as I walk out the front door and walk over to my neighbor's house for a NICE little break.

The constipated betta and me

So, my Becky brought home a betta fish named Replacement Zach....don't ask. We really haven't had good luck with fish....any kind, any size....they last about two weeks, and then belly up. Needless to say, I figured this betta was doomed from the get-go and therefore I don't get too attached. Well, we've had Replacement Zach about two months now and I find myself warming up to this stupid fish. I like how he watches me when I enter the room...I like how he follows me when I walk through the room, by that I just mean he swims from one side of the bowl to the other, he doesn't literally follow me. Anyhow, the other day I walk into the room and I don't see Replacement Zach. I walk up to the bowl....and there he is....laying at the bottom of the bowl. I let out a loud, "Ahhhhhh....." and tap the bowl. He jumps, well not literally jumps, and swims up to see me. After a few minutes he sinks back to the bottom of the bowl. I am concerned.

When my Becky comes home I tell her about Replacement Zach. She googles his behavior and says, "Mom, Replacement Zach is constipated and that is why he sinks to the bottom of the bowl. We can't feed him for four days and then feed him a skinless pea....it should clean him out." We are in day 2 of the fast.

Can I just say that I have been having some stomach issues....I feel a bit "heavy," like I am sinking to the bottom of my bowl. So, today as I'm in the bathroom trying to work out my issues....it dawns on me that me and this betta have something in common....so I've decided to try the fast followed by a skinless pea....we'll see if it works.

Do you smell that?

So, as most of you know...God tends to teach me in visuals. Okay...latest lesson came at the veterinarian office.

I was standing in the vet's office the other day waiting to take my little fluff ball in for his shots. It smells like a vet's office, you know, small animal urine. Suddenly a young man walks in but he is not dragging a dog or cat behind him. He has just stepped off a horse farm. He walks up to the counter and begins to talk of his horse. Suddenly...a strong smell hits my nose....it is disgusting....it is strong...it nearly brings tears to my eyes. I look down and his boots are covered in manure. I mean totally covered in them. I walk to the other side of the waiting room...trying to get as far away as possible. He finishes up at the counter and walks out. I wait a bit and walk back over to the chairs in the waiting room. Problem is...I still smell that smell. I try not to breath in....I hold my breath for a while. Still smell it.

I can't figure out why....it's been long enough. Suddenly I see it....a small dingle-berry of manure on the floor. It has fallen off farmer boy's boot. There it lays, a small turd...emitting this large odor.

Lesson learned....it only takes a small amount of sin to stink up a life.