O Christmas tree

So, because of my job, December and January are very busy months for me....actually they are crazy! Anyhow, that tends to make me very late in getting my Christmas decorations up in my house....and really late in taking them down. I finally got my tree and decorations down this week.

On Tuesday night I began to take the bulbs off of the tree and my Becky came over and joined me. She stood there, right beside me.....I looked her right in the eye.....she could reach the same branches as me.

My mind wanders back a few years....it doesn't seem that long ago when she only stood up to my waist. I have always let the kids hang the decorations on the tree....so throughout the years I have watched my tree go from being only decorated on the bottom branches....to half of the tree.....to 2/3rds decorated...to this year.....when Becky was able to reach the top of the tree and take down the angel. As we continued to put the decorations into the boxes for storage.....my eyes fill with tears as I think of next year....when Becky will be at college as we put the tree up and as we take it down.

I love you Beck!

Trust and....

So, I have looked over the past year and saw God's hand teaching me the meaning of my word for last year - "trust." I have been praying for my word for 2011....

and praying.....

and praying.....

I didn't really feel anything jumping out at me....well, that's what I kept telling myself....and others.

But I had heard my word.....and I kept hearing it.....but I didn't like it so I just kept asking for a new one. I feel like this word just might be a hard word.

But every time I prayed for a new word....this word kept coming to me.....and the funny thing is....I think this might have been my first lesson on the word.....

So......here it is.......I fear that when I say it that it's going to set me on a path that might be difficult....but here goes.....

My word for 2011 is "obey." Hang on tight....it's going to be a wild ride.

Trust affirmed

So, it is the end of 2010. It's time for me to reflect on last year.

It was a good year....a hard year....but a good year.

My word for 2010 was "trust." I started the year with some simple, baby steps of "trusting" my Father. First there was the UK basketball tickets for my David, within one month of praying and trusting, David got to go to 2 UK games.

In April, I spent a day going on a spiritual retreat....a time of personal formation. It was profound for me....a deep, deep healing of my soul. It all centered around my word, "trust."

In May, Becky got her license, on the first try....way to go....she's a chip off the old block. As I watched her drive away all alone in a big Buick Lesabre, I had to trust my Father to protect her.

In August, my trust in God was put to the test....my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was a pain and hurt so deep that I could not verbalize it. It cut me to the core....it re-opened some very real wounds....as a single mom, I had to hide my fear and lean deep into Jesus. I had to find a strength that was not my own...I had to "trust."

In September, my dad was given the "all clear" of cancer. They had found it in stage 1, unheard of for lung cancer.....trust affirmed.

In October, my Katie tore her ACL. Surgery up in Pennsylvania was scheduled....no knowledge of the doctor or hospital....no peace.....Katie texts me with a name of a doctor at my church....a few emails and phone calls and I have his name and number and have spoken to him on the phone.....my Father tells me to trust this doctor....we re-schedule surgery for Katie's Christmas break.

In November, I schedule a trip with my Becky to New York City to see Phantom of the Opera and to do the town. I find good prices on the flights, I find great seats at a good price for the Phantom, but I can not find a hotel, at least not in my price range. I pray about it....and God tells me to "trust" Him. It's one week before the trip and I still don't have a hotel room. A friend comes to see me, we are talking about the trip. She asks me where we are going to stay and I tell her that I haven't found a place yet. She recommends a hotel (it happens to be the hotel that I wanted to stay in but couldn't afford)......I tell her that I can't stay there. She asks if the rooms are all booked...I politely tell her that they have rooms, but they are not in my budget. She makes one phone call....she books Becky and I a room in that hotel....overlooking Times Square.....for two nights....on her. Trust in my kind Father.

Later in November, a friend and her husband invite my David and I down to see an LSU football game....box seats.....tailgating in the Chancellor's Club. Trust in my kind Father.

In December, Katie came home and had surgery....the doctor from my church....an angel for us....he was so sweet.....he prayed over Katie before surgery....he was a great surgeon.....and during the followup, Katie got an internship with this doctor for the summer....to help her with her new major. Trust in my kind Father.

It's been a good year....a year where I learned that I can TRUST my kind Father. He is worthy.

I come from a long line of em.

So, I called my parent's last night. Turns out my younger sister was visiting....she answered the phone and we were talking....and laughing....and connecting like sisters do. She then began to do something that every daughter since the dawn of time has done....she begins to pick on mom a bit...now I know what you're thinking, "That's not very respectful or nice," right, like you've never done it to your mom....like my girls don't do it to me. I'm sure my mom has done it to her mom and her mom picked on her mom, and so on and so on....it's our heritage.

Anyhow, she dishes on mom a bit and I comment....then suddenly she said, "Where did mom go?" Then she says, "Oh my gosh, is she on the phone.....mom......mom......are you on the phone.......mom.....did you hear the phone line crack...she's on the phone isn't she." I begin to laugh....she continues to freak out as she walks to the kitchen to see if she finds mom on the phone.

"Mom.....mom........MOM, are you on the phone?" she asks.

Faintly I hear my mom respond, "No, I'm on the pot, not the phone."

I laughed as I ran to my own bathroom!

The tell-tale heart

So....the other night I was on run number 574 of mom's taxi service to Lexington. It was the eve of New Year's eve....it was late....I had to go and pick up my oldest from her dad's house.

Now let me just say this...it was late.....let me say that again....it was late. So, I had already showered and was in my PJs, which include a very large pima cotton t-shirt, a pair of Scooby Doo boxers and an old, oversized, blue terry cloth robe.

When the call came, "Mom, come pick me up." I had a fleeting thought run through my mind...."maybe I should change into clothes." It was fleeting..the large oversized, comfy robe was calling me to resist that temptation. The robe won.

So, I get in my car, and drive northward. Side note....I'm fanatic about my car and funny sounds.
As I accelerate I hear a faint, "Thump, thump.................thump," come from under my car. I immediately turn the radio down low.....and listen. Nothing. Hmmmmm......must have just been my imagination.

I continue to drive....a few miles later......"Thump, thump.................thump," I immediately turn the radio down low.....and listen. Nothing. Hmmmmm......must have been something stuck to my tire....maybe it's off now.

I continue to drive....a few miles later......"Thump, thump.................thump," I immediately turn the radio off, this is driving me crazy.....and listen. Nothing. What on earth? Now my imagination begins to run to all of the unlikely things that this sound could be.....my engine ready to drop out....my transmission is ready to fall out.....my tire will drop off.....you get the idea.

I continue to drive....a few miles later....."Thump, thump...................thump, thump." Radio is still off.....now my imagination goes to crazy things.....is there a cat that was trying to warm himself on my engine caught under my car.....did I run over my dog backing out of the driveway and I am dragging him under my car.

I'm ready to vomit now, so I slow down and begin to pull over. As I slow down, I really hear the thumping. I reach over to put my purse down on the floor and I realize I'm stuck.....I can't reach over.....something is holding from pulling away from the door.....

That's when it all converges......my old, oversized, blue terry cloth robe that urged me to resist the temptation of putting on my clothes.....well, the tie of that robe was sticking out of the door and was the tell-tale robe.

Bounce Bounce Whoosh

So, it is a snowy, cold evening and I am sitting in the living room all alone. I am thinking about a similar evening 17 years and 76 days ago....

It was September 30th, 1993 around 11:30pm. It was a cold and brisk....very brisk night. I was extremely pregnant, due any minute. I was laying in bed and Katie, who was 2 years old, and Don were playing beside me. He was rough housing with her. She was jumping up and he would catch her and throw her....they were having a fun time. I was laying on my side, facing them when suddenly Katie jumped up and came down right on my belly.....whoosh......my water broke. It was time.

We drove to the hospital...it was a clear night, brisk, with a hard frost. We pulled up to the hospital at around 1 am on October 1 and went inside. After some paperwork, they took me to my room, and when they checked me, they said I would be holding my little girl in less than an hour.

The doctor had to be awakened and called in...he wasn't very happy...one hour later....no baby girl....two hours later.....three.....four.....five.....the sun came up.....no baby girl. Finally around 10 am they said I could push....and push I did. Suddenly the doctor's face went grim...."Don't push!" he shouted. I panted my way through the next contractions....I was scared.....I had no idea what was going on.....finally he said, "Everything is okay, now push." It turns out that the umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby's neck...twice. But the doctor was able to get it off without any complications.

A few pushes later and I heard that familiar cry.....and there she was....my Becky. She was so beautiful, which didn't surprise me at all, because when I was deciding on her name....and thought of "Becky" all I could think was that every Becky that I have ever known has been beautiful....and so my Becky she would be.

The doctor had to hurry and leave...there was a West Virginia Mountaineer game and he had to get to it. Don had to get to work.....it was just Becky and I. We spent that whole day getting to know each other, just she and me. Those were quiet moments, special moments.....moments that I will cherish forever.....

And now tonight, I remember those moments because in only a few months she will be leaving for college. It's a clear, cold night.....and I still cherish her.

A snowy night alone

So, fourteen years ago tonight....I sat in my living room, with all my Christmas lights turned on...the tree...the creche....the M&M lights around the doorway....the village....all aglow. I sat there, all alone......me and my baby to be. I was very pregnant....due any day....it was to be a boy. I had been in bed for about an hour, when suddenly I awoke to a familiar pain. It was getting close to the time when I would see his face. I went out to the living room, my two beautiful girls were tucked safely in bed. I turned on all the Christmas lights, and I sat there.....reading.....praying....and waiting to see his face....to hold him.

The pain went from every 15 minutes to every 10.....then to every 9.....8.....7......it was time to wake others up. We drove to the hospital....the roads were empty. It was an easy drive. We arrived and began preparations for his arrival.

My David was born on December 3rd, 1996. It was a Tuesday. He weighed 10 lbs. He was beautiful....we named him, David Nathaniel Hogan....."beloved of God, gift of God."

That was fourteen years ago tonight.....tonight.....I sit in my living room.....alone, well a dog beside me.....David and Becky asleep.....Katie away at college........and I am praying again.......praying for my David.