A beast of burden

So, I had to work all weekend long. That meant I was in formal attire...you know dress slacks, blouse and high heels...all weekend long. Now most aspects of my job are appropriate for this formal attire, but there are also times within my job were formal attire, specifically high heels, does not seem appropriate. I had that moment this past weekend. It was graduation day and it was hot and humid. I had to park the car about a mile (it felt) away from the graduation facility. I had to carry boxes of supplies and bottled water into the facility, mind you I was in formal attire. As I am stumbling across the parking lot, through the hallways and into the green room, it dawns on me that I am a beast of burden, a work horse.

Now I live in Kentucky, the horse capital, so I know horses. Here's what I know, a work horse looks much different than a race horse. Let me show you.

Here is a famous work horse:

Here is a famous race horse:

Do you notice anything? Look at the legs on the work horse and then look at the legs on the race horse. It dawns on me that when I am in high heels, I am like a race horse....thin little pegs not meant to haul things. If you put a heavy load on the race horse you will break it's legs. The legs of the work horse are meant to sustain heavy loads.

I'm just thinking that maybe I need to re-think high heels on days like these.

An exposed fence and a mother's heart

So, my son has a job....painting about 5 miles of fence on a Kentucky farm. It's taking forever....the wood is totally exposed and is sucking up the paint. He has been painting while listening to his itunes. This past Sunday I decided to help him. So I poured him some paint and then poured mine. I told him that I had brought his earphones for him to listen to his music, but he said, "That's okay mom, I don't need them. Can't we just talk?" So we began to paint....for about 2 hours we painted, side by side....he and I talking the whole time. I was just like the fence...I sucked up every sweet minute we had together!

Smell that smell

So, I have a Bradford Pear tree in my front yard. I planted it when my house was built. I went to the store and picked it out....out of all the trees at the store, I chose it as the one that would adorn my yard. You see, I had noticed how beautiful the Bradford Pear tree blossomed in the spring here in Kentucky...it kind of reminded me of the Cherry Blossom trees in D.C., but for a fraction of the price.

Selection made, Bradford Pear, tree planted.

The next few years the tree grew. A few years later it was much larger and I anticipated that my yard would be beautiful that spring. The buds began to sprout up on the branches and then the day finally arrived. It was in full bloom. How beautiful! That evening I sat on my porch admiring my tree, when suddenly a rank, a very rank smell wafted through the air. I got up and walked around my yard...was there a dead fish somewhere? I couldn't figure out where this smell was coming from....I continued to walk throughout my yard, as I walked closer to my beautiful tree the smell got stronger. I couldn't remember fertilizing the tree, especially with dead fish, but maybe someone else did. So I got down on my hands and knees and sniffed the trunk. I could still smell the stink, but it wasn't coming from the ground. I stood up and the smell got stronger. I put my nose up to the beautiful blossoms and viola.....that was the smell.....the stink....something similar to a dead fish....it was those beautiful blossoms. Are you kidding me?

As I have mentioned before, I am a bit slow and therefore, the best life lessons for me contain a visual. I walked away from my tree, quite far away, and I admired it's beauty. Then I walked closer to it and couldn't help but think how the beauty faded as the stench permeated my nostrils. I wonder, what kind of a Christian am I. Am I a Bradford Pear or a Cherry Blossom tree? Am I beautiful from afar, but the closer you get to me.....the stench overwhelms the beauty? Or am I a Cherry Blossom tree.....beautiful from afar, and as you draw closer....the sweet smell only enhances the beauty. Hmmmm......

Press one now

So....I just got back from a visit to my parent's house. I love my people. I love that we all enjoy a good laugh together.....even if it is at the expense of one of our own. My siblings and I thoroughly enjoy laughing at my parents as we all grow older.

One evening my sister and I were running some errands with my kids...Judy and I left the truck to do something and when we returned...my three children had a look on their faces that was very familiar....yes, I knew that they had been having fun at Judy and my expense....and so the tradition continues.

In keeping with family tradition....let me share a funny mom and dad story.

They have a new HD TV and just recently got high def cable. While I was home I noticed that the picture wasn't clear. It was not in high definition. So, I fumbled with it for a while....got out the manuals and tried a few things. Then I decided to call one of the help desks. This is where the story begins.

The TV has been off all morning. So I turn on the TV one last time before making the call, just to verify that the problem still exists (because I have found that just making a call to the help desk usually fixes the problem). My parents are sitting in the living room. Yes, the problem is still there. I sit down in front of the TV, with the TV remote. I dial the number, I hit 1 to speak in english, I hit 1 to say I am calling about a TV, I hit 2 to say it is a high definition TV....okay, finally Tina answers. Let me share what was happening while I was hitting all the appropriate options to get to Tina, my dad has grabbed the universal cable remote control. He begins to do what all men with a remote does....flip the stations. Now mind you, I had it on a known HD station....I can't stop him because I have to stay alert to make sure I am picking the right options to ensure proper customer service in my native tongue. In the meantime, my mom sees a show flip by that interests her, so she yells at my dad to turn it back. Again, I can't stop them because I am "pressing 1 now." So, my parents are now both watching a show on who knows what station....and then turn the TV up so they can hear it. Let me translate....we have now gone up to a level 10 on volume. Again, I am sitting right in front of the TV and I have finally arrived at a place where a representative is going to help me. I hear a female voice....but I can't make out anything she says because the TV is blaring. I quickly ask my parents to turn the TV down and I ask the customer service rep to repeat herself....she is annoyed and repeats that her name is Tina. Nice....now I have Tina, with attitude, trying to help me. My parents turn the TV down to level 9....I am still right in front of the TV and Tina is mad at me....she asks me for something...but I can't hear so I ask her to repeat her question....at the same time I am making a motion to "be quiet" to my parents.....but they are squawking at each other about something on TV. Tina says, with attitude, "I NEED YOUR SERIAL NUMBER." I begin to pull the TV out, but first I have to clear all of the knick-knacks that are right in front of it. Mom and dad sit and watch me. I pull the TV out and the cable box begins to fall off of the cabinet....I am trying to hold the phone, pull the TV out gently, hold the cable box from falling and hold a flash light to read the serial number. I have forgotten my reading glasses at home....which means that everything on the back of the TV looks like a "O". At this point...I make up a number and Tina asks me for a model number.....I realize I can't make this up without Tina realizing it, so I ask her for some choices. She is not amused....my mom is now yelling at my dad to give me his reading glasses....the TV is still blaring.....and I am at the end of my patience. I realize that this call is now useless and we need to draw it to an end...so I ask Tina if the "480I" that is in the upper right corner of the TV the resolution...she tells me it is the signal strength, and without a strong signal the high definition stations won't be clear. I thank her and hang up. Tina and I have solved their problem. The signal from their cable company is strong enough....I tell mom and dad to call the cable company....they ask me to do it....I laugh.....

Time to say goodbye

So, this past weekend I had to take my Becky to college. She is starting her freshman year at Taylor.

I am so very proud of her....of the young woman that she has become.

When my Becky entered my life, I was just turning 30. We were living outside Morgantown, WV on a farm. Life was complicated at that point....but my Becky came along and she brought joy and contentment to me.

Becky seemed to smile from the moment she was born. She loved life....she loved to watch life....she loved to watch her sister play and run past her. She would smile whenever she saw me enter a room. She loved to be held, but didn't demand it. She was content. She has remained that way all through life....not demanding.

As I drove her up to college I had a profound sense of sadness....of regrets. I realized that I had taken advantage of her sweet, non-demanding nature. I was a new mom....and I didn't realize that just because my Becky didn't demand my hugs and kisses didn't mean that she didn't want them.

As the time drew near to say goodbye and leave her....I fought the deep urge to hold her and kiss her and hug her.....and make up for lost time. I wanted to make up for the lost hugs and kisses....I wanted to turn back the clock and claim a 'do-over.'

As I hugged her for that last time....my eyes filled with tears....and my soul overflowed with sadness.

I wanted to hold her and never let her go....but I missed that time in her life....and now I am in a new season, where I have to step back and let her go....I just wished I would have held her more before this time.

My Becky, I love you!

Growing love

So, this weekend both of my girls had to be at college. My Katie back to Geneva for her junior year. My Becky to Taylor for her freshman year.

I am going to give a blog to each of them. But first I want to comment on my family and all of the emotions of it.

I realized something about my family this week. It wasn't a profound thought....I'm sure someone else has already vocalized this....but it was a new thought for me. I am in the season of diminishment, not growth. This is the opposite of my twenties and thirties, when my family was growing and getting louder.

I remember when I had my Katie. When I brought her home, it changed, and was louder. It changed for the good....it grew and the dynamics of our family changed and the way we related changed too....as did my love....they both grew, our family and my love, and encompassed her fully.

Then I had my Becky. When I brought her home, it changed, and was louder. It changed for the good...it grew and the dynamics of our family and the way we related changed too.....as did my love....they both grew, our family and my love, and encompassed her fully.

Then I had my David. When I brought him home, it changed, and was louder. It changed for the good...it grew and the dynamics of our family changed too.....as did my love.....they both grew, our family and my love, and encompassed him fully.

Two years ago I took my Katie to college. She left my home, and it changed, and got quieter. At first I didn't think it was good....my home was diminished....the dynamics of our family and the way we related changed...but what didn't diminish was my love for her....it continued to grow.....and encompass her all the way in Pennsylvania. It grew too as she matured and began a new season of her life....my love grew around her.

I also began to see that Becky was able to grow.....the space that Katie had occupied was empty....and Becky was able to grow and expand into that space....she blossomed, and my love grew around her and encompassed her.

The way we related to one another within my home changed....it was different, but it didn't diminish our love for Katie...it was just different.

This year I took my Katie and my Becky to college...and my home changed again, and got quieter. At first I didn't think it was good....my home diminished...the dynamics of our family and the way that we related changed too...but what didn't diminish was my love for her....it continued to grow....and encompass her all the way in Indiana. It grew too as she matured and began a new season of her life....my love grew around her.

I am now anxious to see how my David grows into the space that Becky had occupied. I am anxious to see how he blossoms and I know that my love will grow around him....

Not a momma's boy

So, today I took my David out school shopping. He's 14 now....a freshman in high school. We went to several stores looking for good deals on name brand clothing. He likes to look good and smell even better. No longer were we looking for t-shirts with funny sayings. Yes, he is growing up.

On our way into the mall, he was in front of me. He opened the door and began to walk in. I was a little offended that he hadn't held the door opened for me....then I noticed he glanced behind him as he was walking through the door.....he quickly stopped and came back and held the door. I smiled as I walked through. I turned to thank him, but he was still holding the door.....turns out there was a dark haired, size 4, curvy young teenage girl behind me.

Nope, he's not a momma's boy anymore.....as a matter of fact....he seems more like a papa's boy.

A menopausal shooting mom

So, I am a single mom. I have 3 children, a 20 year old daughter, a 17 year old daughter, and a 14 year old son. We have had a very 'girl' home for some years now. This spring both of my girls will be away at college, which will mean it will just be my son and me, and my little boy dog. I guess I will be outnumbered and then it will be a very 'boy' home.

In preparation for that day, I have decided that it's not enough to just start burping and farting and scratching, so I am in the process of joining the local rod and gun club. But I don't have enough money to do that, so I am working off my club fees.

This past week I went out to do my first 4 hours of manual labor. It was a very hot and humid night. I mean HOT. I had come home from work, quickly changed into my nasties, and went out. I had to trim hedges for a while, and then wash down some double doors and then tape and paint it with oil paint. It was hot, I had begun sweating during the hedge trimming, and once I start, I can not stop. So I'm standing at the front door of the lodge, taping and painting. Turns out there was some type of meeting going on that night. So, all the men were coming for the meeting. And there I was...let me paint you the picture. I was in nasty clothing and they were soak and wet from sweat. My hair was totally soaked, I mean, plastered to my head and sweat dripping off of it and running down my face, which caused my makeup to run down my cheeks. My face was bright red from being overheated....I was a sight, and I was meeting all these men for the first time.

One of them went inside and came out with a fan. I asked, "Oh, do you want me to use that to try to dry the oil paint faster?" He said, "No, it's for you."

And I thought I looked sexy....

Nicely done

So, last night I walk into my house following work. I immediately smell a nasty odor wafting through the house....can't put my finger on it....but it's NAS-TY. I walk through the living room...there are my children on their laptops....and there is dog vomit on the carpet in the middle of the living room.

"Nice." I say as I continue to walk through.

I get to the kitchen...the nasty smell intensifies. I follow it....into the bathroom....there is a pot full of poo-stew. I almost vomit from the smell.....

"Nice." I say as I flush the toilet.

The poo-stew swirls around for a minute as it rises close to the rim.....clogged.

"Nice." I say as I walk out of the bathroom to find the plunger.

"Mommmmmmmm.....what's for dinner?" the children say from behind their laptops in the living room.

"Nice." I say as I walk out the front door and walk over to my neighbor's house for a NICE little break.

The constipated betta and me

So, my Becky brought home a betta fish named Replacement Zach....don't ask. We really haven't had good luck with fish....any kind, any size....they last about two weeks, and then belly up. Needless to say, I figured this betta was doomed from the get-go and therefore I don't get too attached. Well, we've had Replacement Zach about two months now and I find myself warming up to this stupid fish. I like how he watches me when I enter the room...I like how he follows me when I walk through the room, by that I just mean he swims from one side of the bowl to the other, he doesn't literally follow me. Anyhow, the other day I walk into the room and I don't see Replacement Zach. I walk up to the bowl....and there he is....laying at the bottom of the bowl. I let out a loud, "Ahhhhhh....." and tap the bowl. He jumps, well not literally jumps, and swims up to see me. After a few minutes he sinks back to the bottom of the bowl. I am concerned.

When my Becky comes home I tell her about Replacement Zach. She googles his behavior and says, "Mom, Replacement Zach is constipated and that is why he sinks to the bottom of the bowl. We can't feed him for four days and then feed him a skinless pea....it should clean him out." We are in day 2 of the fast.

Can I just say that I have been having some stomach issues....I feel a bit "heavy," like I am sinking to the bottom of my bowl. So, today as I'm in the bathroom trying to work out my issues....it dawns on me that me and this betta have something in common....so I've decided to try the fast followed by a skinless pea....we'll see if it works.

Do you smell that?

So, as most of you know...God tends to teach me in visuals. Okay...latest lesson came at the veterinarian office.

I was standing in the vet's office the other day waiting to take my little fluff ball in for his shots. It smells like a vet's office, you know, small animal urine. Suddenly a young man walks in but he is not dragging a dog or cat behind him. He has just stepped off a horse farm. He walks up to the counter and begins to talk of his horse. Suddenly...a strong smell hits my nose....it is disgusting....it is strong...it nearly brings tears to my eyes. I look down and his boots are covered in manure. I mean totally covered in them. I walk to the other side of the waiting room...trying to get as far away as possible. He finishes up at the counter and walks out. I wait a bit and walk back over to the chairs in the waiting room. Problem is...I still smell that smell. I try not to breath in....I hold my breath for a while. Still smell it.

I can't figure out why....it's been long enough. Suddenly I see it....a small dingle-berry of manure on the floor. It has fallen off farmer boy's boot. There it lays, a small turd...emitting this large odor.

Lesson learned....it only takes a small amount of sin to stink up a life.

Three part harmony

So, my mom and dad were visiting. We were all sitting in the living room watching TV. I was talking on the phone to my sister. A commercial came on and my mom and I began to laugh at the same time....in the same way.....my sister asked me what was so funny and I said the Aflac commercial. Judy said, "The goat one....I love that one" and she began to laugh.

Becky laughed at us.....and I said.....I wouldn't laugh...you will become us.

O Christmas tree

So, because of my job, December and January are very busy months for me....actually they are crazy! Anyhow, that tends to make me very late in getting my Christmas decorations up in my house....and really late in taking them down. I finally got my tree and decorations down this week.

On Tuesday night I began to take the bulbs off of the tree and my Becky came over and joined me. She stood there, right beside me.....I looked her right in the eye.....she could reach the same branches as me.

My mind wanders back a few years....it doesn't seem that long ago when she only stood up to my waist. I have always let the kids hang the decorations on the tree....so throughout the years I have watched my tree go from being only decorated on the bottom branches....to half of the tree.....to 2/3rds decorated...to this year.....when Becky was able to reach the top of the tree and take down the angel. As we continued to put the decorations into the boxes for storage.....my eyes fill with tears as I think of next year....when Becky will be at college as we put the tree up and as we take it down.

I love you Beck!

Trust and....

So, I have looked over the past year and saw God's hand teaching me the meaning of my word for last year - "trust." I have been praying for my word for 2011....

and praying.....

and praying.....

I didn't really feel anything jumping out at me....well, that's what I kept telling myself....and others.

But I had heard my word.....and I kept hearing it.....but I didn't like it so I just kept asking for a new one. I feel like this word just might be a hard word.

But every time I prayed for a new word....this word kept coming to me.....and the funny thing is....I think this might have been my first lesson on the word.....

So......here it is.......I fear that when I say it that it's going to set me on a path that might be difficult....but here goes.....

My word for 2011 is "obey." Hang on tight....it's going to be a wild ride.

Trust affirmed

So, it is the end of 2010. It's time for me to reflect on last year.

It was a good year....a hard year....but a good year.

My word for 2010 was "trust." I started the year with some simple, baby steps of "trusting" my Father. First there was the UK basketball tickets for my David, within one month of praying and trusting, David got to go to 2 UK games.

In April, I spent a day going on a spiritual retreat....a time of personal formation. It was profound for me....a deep, deep healing of my soul. It all centered around my word, "trust."

In May, Becky got her license, on the first try....way to go....she's a chip off the old block. As I watched her drive away all alone in a big Buick Lesabre, I had to trust my Father to protect her.

In August, my trust in God was put to the test....my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was a pain and hurt so deep that I could not verbalize it. It cut me to the core....it re-opened some very real wounds....as a single mom, I had to hide my fear and lean deep into Jesus. I had to find a strength that was not my own...I had to "trust."

In September, my dad was given the "all clear" of cancer. They had found it in stage 1, unheard of for lung cancer.....trust affirmed.

In October, my Katie tore her ACL. Surgery up in Pennsylvania was scheduled....no knowledge of the doctor or hospital....no peace.....Katie texts me with a name of a doctor at my church....a few emails and phone calls and I have his name and number and have spoken to him on the phone.....my Father tells me to trust this doctor....we re-schedule surgery for Katie's Christmas break.

In November, I schedule a trip with my Becky to New York City to see Phantom of the Opera and to do the town. I find good prices on the flights, I find great seats at a good price for the Phantom, but I can not find a hotel, at least not in my price range. I pray about it....and God tells me to "trust" Him. It's one week before the trip and I still don't have a hotel room. A friend comes to see me, we are talking about the trip. She asks me where we are going to stay and I tell her that I haven't found a place yet. She recommends a hotel (it happens to be the hotel that I wanted to stay in but couldn't afford)......I tell her that I can't stay there. She asks if the rooms are all booked...I politely tell her that they have rooms, but they are not in my budget. She makes one phone call....she books Becky and I a room in that hotel....overlooking Times Square.....for two nights....on her. Trust in my kind Father.

Later in November, a friend and her husband invite my David and I down to see an LSU football game....box seats.....tailgating in the Chancellor's Club. Trust in my kind Father.

In December, Katie came home and had surgery....the doctor from my church....an angel for us....he was so sweet.....he prayed over Katie before surgery....he was a great surgeon.....and during the followup, Katie got an internship with this doctor for the summer....to help her with her new major. Trust in my kind Father.

It's been a good year....a year where I learned that I can TRUST my kind Father. He is worthy.

I come from a long line of em.

So, I called my parent's last night. Turns out my younger sister was visiting....she answered the phone and we were talking....and laughing....and connecting like sisters do. She then began to do something that every daughter since the dawn of time has done....she begins to pick on mom a bit...now I know what you're thinking, "That's not very respectful or nice," right, like you've never done it to your mom....like my girls don't do it to me. I'm sure my mom has done it to her mom and her mom picked on her mom, and so on and so on....it's our heritage.

Anyhow, she dishes on mom a bit and I comment....then suddenly she said, "Where did mom go?" Then she says, "Oh my gosh, is she on the phone.....mom......mom......are you on the phone.......mom.....did you hear the phone line crack...she's on the phone isn't she." I begin to laugh....she continues to freak out as she walks to the kitchen to see if she finds mom on the phone.

"Mom.....mom........MOM, are you on the phone?" she asks.

Faintly I hear my mom respond, "No, I'm on the pot, not the phone."

I laughed as I ran to my own bathroom!

The tell-tale heart

So....the other night I was on run number 574 of mom's taxi service to Lexington. It was the eve of New Year's eve....it was late....I had to go and pick up my oldest from her dad's house.

Now let me just say this...it was late.....let me say that again....it was late. So, I had already showered and was in my PJs, which include a very large pima cotton t-shirt, a pair of Scooby Doo boxers and an old, oversized, blue terry cloth robe.

When the call came, "Mom, come pick me up." I had a fleeting thought run through my mind...."maybe I should change into clothes." It was fleeting..the large oversized, comfy robe was calling me to resist that temptation. The robe won.

So, I get in my car, and drive northward. Side note....I'm fanatic about my car and funny sounds.
As I accelerate I hear a faint, "Thump, thump.................thump," come from under my car. I immediately turn the radio down low.....and listen. Nothing. Hmmmmm......must have just been my imagination.

I continue to drive....a few miles later......"Thump, thump.................thump," I immediately turn the radio down low.....and listen. Nothing. Hmmmmm......must have been something stuck to my tire....maybe it's off now.

I continue to drive....a few miles later......"Thump, thump.................thump," I immediately turn the radio off, this is driving me crazy.....and listen. Nothing. What on earth? Now my imagination begins to run to all of the unlikely things that this sound could be.....my engine ready to drop out....my transmission is ready to fall out.....my tire will drop off.....you get the idea.

I continue to drive....a few miles later....."Thump, thump...................thump, thump." Radio is still off.....now my imagination goes to crazy things.....is there a cat that was trying to warm himself on my engine caught under my car.....did I run over my dog backing out of the driveway and I am dragging him under my car.

I'm ready to vomit now, so I slow down and begin to pull over. As I slow down, I really hear the thumping. I reach over to put my purse down on the floor and I realize I'm stuck.....I can't reach over.....something is holding from pulling away from the door.....

That's when it all converges......my old, oversized, blue terry cloth robe that urged me to resist the temptation of putting on my clothes.....well, the tie of that robe was sticking out of the door and was the tell-tale robe.

Bounce Bounce Whoosh

So, it is a snowy, cold evening and I am sitting in the living room all alone. I am thinking about a similar evening 17 years and 76 days ago....

It was September 30th, 1993 around 11:30pm. It was a cold and brisk....very brisk night. I was extremely pregnant, due any minute. I was laying in bed and Katie, who was 2 years old, and Don were playing beside me. He was rough housing with her. She was jumping up and he would catch her and throw her....they were having a fun time. I was laying on my side, facing them when suddenly Katie jumped up and came down right on my belly.....whoosh......my water broke. It was time.

We drove to the hospital...it was a clear night, brisk, with a hard frost. We pulled up to the hospital at around 1 am on October 1 and went inside. After some paperwork, they took me to my room, and when they checked me, they said I would be holding my little girl in less than an hour.

The doctor had to be awakened and called in...he wasn't very happy...one hour later....no baby girl....two hours later.....three.....four.....five.....the sun came up.....no baby girl. Finally around 10 am they said I could push....and push I did. Suddenly the doctor's face went grim...."Don't push!" he shouted. I panted my way through the next contractions....I was scared.....I had no idea what was going on.....finally he said, "Everything is okay, now push." It turns out that the umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby's neck...twice. But the doctor was able to get it off without any complications.

A few pushes later and I heard that familiar cry.....and there she was....my Becky. She was so beautiful, which didn't surprise me at all, because when I was deciding on her name....and thought of "Becky" all I could think was that every Becky that I have ever known has been beautiful....and so my Becky she would be.

The doctor had to hurry and leave...there was a West Virginia Mountaineer game and he had to get to it. Don had to get to work.....it was just Becky and I. We spent that whole day getting to know each other, just she and me. Those were quiet moments, special moments.....moments that I will cherish forever.....

And now tonight, I remember those moments because in only a few months she will be leaving for college. It's a clear, cold night.....and I still cherish her.

A snowy night alone

So, fourteen years ago tonight....I sat in my living room, with all my Christmas lights turned on...the tree...the creche....the M&M lights around the doorway....the village....all aglow. I sat there, all alone......me and my baby to be. I was very pregnant....due any day....it was to be a boy. I had been in bed for about an hour, when suddenly I awoke to a familiar pain. It was getting close to the time when I would see his face. I went out to the living room, my two beautiful girls were tucked safely in bed. I turned on all the Christmas lights, and I sat there.....reading.....praying....and waiting to see his face....to hold him.

The pain went from every 15 minutes to every 10.....then to every 9.....8.....7......it was time to wake others up. We drove to the hospital....the roads were empty. It was an easy drive. We arrived and began preparations for his arrival.

My David was born on December 3rd, 1996. It was a Tuesday. He weighed 10 lbs. He was beautiful....we named him, David Nathaniel Hogan....."beloved of God, gift of God."

That was fourteen years ago tonight.....tonight.....I sit in my living room.....alone, well a dog beside me.....David and Becky asleep.....Katie away at college........and I am praying again.......praying for my David.

Next stop Hoboken

So, what does an angel look like? Hebrews 13:2 says, "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares."

I know some angels strike fear into those that see them, but it seems like maybe some don't look much different than us.

I spent the weekend in New York City....a visitor....not knowing how to use the Subway. I relied on the kindness of strangers....my angels for the weekend. The first one was a very kind, young New York policeman. He took the time to not only answer my questions, but teach me how to buy a subway card, and how much to put on it to get us from Times Square to Hoboken and back. The next one was a Metro worker. He put us on the right train with a beautiful smile. The next one was a kind couple who told us that we were on the wrong train and put us back in the right direction. The next one was a homeless man who pointed me to the right station. The next one was a young single girl. She helped us get to the right track, get on the right train and then she even exited at our stop and helped us figure out where we were and where we needed to go.

Who knew that angels travel by the subway.